


Words Unspoken, Thoughts Unsaid

by SteadfastStar (girl_in_a_dream)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Ben Solo, Awkward Sexual Situations, But No Actual Loss of Virginity, Embarrassing moments, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Humor, Mentions of Pregnancy, Mentions of Vomiting in Public But None Depicted, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Protective Ben Solo, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Sweet Ben Solo, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Train Meet-Cute, mentions of loss of virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:54:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21817744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_in_a_dream/pseuds/SteadfastStar
Summary: Rey and Ben form some dubious ideas about each other after various encounters on the train.Ben thinks Rey is pregnant. Rey thinks Ben is a virgin.They’re not.*Now with epilogue*
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 195
Kudos: 945





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quite silly and not beta'd, so please don't think too hard about this! It was fun writing it though. I hope you enjoy reading it!

  
  
  


The first time Rey sees him, it’s pure luck. 

Her usual train routine after she’s found a seat, is simply as follows: bag on her lap, phone in hand. Her morning is never complete without spending the twenty-five minute journey losing herself in her favorite websites and forgetting the existence of the outside world.

This morning, though, will have to be different, as a few swipes later, Rey notices that her phone battery is too low. 12%. Damn. Rey sighs and reluctantly returns her phone to her bag. She’ll have to stare off into space, carefully avoiding the crotch of the man standing right in front of her.

Rey turns her head to examine the mass of people standing in the entranceway, squashed in like pencils in a tin, wilfully ignorant of the unoccupied space further along the aisle. 

A woman with a ridiculously bulky bag reclines against the door, hitching her bag back up every few seconds. Rey rolls her neck in sympathy. She must have serious shoulder strain. Next to her is a balding businessman, sniffing and rubbing his nose on his fleshy hand. His eyes squint slightly as he sneezes loudly, before wiping his hand on his trousers. Disgusting. Rey makes a mental note to buy some more hand sanitizer later. 

A scowling teenager leans on the plastic divider scrolling on her phone, spaghetti strap mini-dress pulled tight across her body and stretchy black choker winding around her throat. The final nod to the 90s is the fuchsia scrunchie confining a mess of curls. Rey grimaces. There’s nothing like a reminder about her age than seeing a teenager wear fashion she wore the first time around the circuit. 

As the next station approaches, the crowd down the aisle parts again, shuffling to reposition themselves closer or further away from the doors. Through the cluster of passengers, someone’s hand and arm—thick with muscle—is revealed holding on to the silver bar, high above the heads. The forearm leads to a strong-looking bicep and shoulder, clad in a dark blue dress-shirt, cuffs rolled up and straining at their seams. 

A sudden image of that arm wrapped around her waist flits through her mind. Pulling her tight against a firm body. 

Rey blinks. She rarely finds herself fantasizing about fellow passengers—or anyone really, lately. It’s been a while but she hasn’t felt up to meeting people on apps and there’s no one at work she could date. And it’s all so exhausting. 

Most of the time, Rey copes very well with being single and revels in doing whatever she wants. She can eat weird combinations of food only she likes and watch whatever she wants on TV, especially now that Finn has moved in with his girlfriend. 

But there are times, very few times, when she’s sitting at home on a Saturday night, or when she’s having dinner with Finn and Rose, and they casually mention their plans for the week or the decision they made about that couch for their new apartment, that Rey feels a twinge. A small ache. _She_ would like to be a ‘ _we_ ’ sometimes and not always an ‘ _I '_. She would like to feel part of a _team_. That at the end of the day, when everyone has packed up and left, someone will stay. And she will be put first for once. 

But that’s Rey’s current lot. And she’s perfectly fine with how it is and has been, thank you very much. She shies away from her shadowy memories in the corner of her mind, aiming instead to focus on the present moment. And the present moment is not too bad, judging by her current view. 

After the flurry of movement from another stop dies down and the commuters rearrange themselves again, the big-armed man is unveiled to be—a big-all-over-man. Tall with dark hair brushing his shoulders, a broad chest and wide all the way to his waist. He turns around to move back and allow for a passing passenger, giving Rey her first glimpse of his face. He has a long nose, full lips, pale skin, and moles dotted on cheek and neck. Combined with his powerful frame, intriguing. 

He glances in her direction and Rey quickly lowers her eyes and focuses on the poster next to him, watching the man in her periphery. She can almost feel a tingle, his eyes stopping on her in turn. Is he looking at her now? What would he think of her? 

She's simply; a young woman in her late twenties, dull brown hair in three haphazard buns, cheap-but-reasonably fashionable business attire, unremarkable face. No-one special. She’s nothing. Nothing to pause at, at least. 

She glances up again and is shocked when her eyes suddenly catch his. His dark brown eyes are locked on to hers.

In the past year of traveling on the train, if Rey had ever accidentally made eye contact with a passenger, she would have quickly looked away, sure to follow the unspoken but nevertheless acknowledged rule of ignoring the existence of all others as they go about their individual journeys. 

But for some reason, she can’t look away. She can’t stop staring at him.

It feels like something has connected, a puzzle falling into place, the distance between them bridged. It’s almost physical, the way her eyes are joined with his. 

And a thought passes through her head. One that is most likely a consequence of reading too many romance novels. 

She feels seen. Like she’s truly been noticed for the first time in her life. That he sees her and all her faults, all her needs, all the dark and light and twisted and confusing things she hides from everyone else. He sees them all. 

And she would normally hide from that intense feeling of vulnerability and scrutiny—would normally run as far as she could whenever a hint of exposing her soft belly is threatened. But—she can’t. 

Because she can see him too. And he seems—thoughtful, curious and under that—lonely. And maybe even... sad. 

It might be a minute they spend staring at each other, or maybe only a few seconds, but it feels like a lifetime. 

A noise brings Rey’s awareness back to the rest of the carriage. The man in front of her has just dropped his bag on his feet and he ducks to pick it up again.

With a blink, Rey ducks her head, pretending to straighten her jacket, feeling overwhelmed and laid bare. Like she’s a hiding scavenger who has suddenly been turned out into the full heat of the sun, naked and exposed. Fiddling with her zip, she peeks up again, slowly working her glance along the aisle until she dares to look at his face again, and when she finally does, that same jolt. 

He’s smirking at her. 

He’s bloody smirking! Rey blinks and scowls for a minute, before raising her eyebrows and tilting her head at him, feeling her heart beating faster. _What?_ she thinks, wondering if he’d understand. 

The man’s mouth stretches into a wider grin, a small huff of a laugh pushing his chin back, before shaking his head gently, his eyes twinkling. Contrary to what his size may at first imply, Rey somehow knows that he’s not unfriendly or an aggressive man. He is kind. Rey just knows that she is right. 

She can’t help but feel her mouth twitching and curving, trying to control the smile that breaks out.

Just then, another influx of passengers make their way to the central area, cutting short their nonverbal conversation, bustling through with their bags and shuffling and arranging themselves to fit the cramped space. 

A few minutes later, when Rey can finally see clearly through the carriage again, he is gone. 

  
  


\--------------

The next time Rey sees him is a week later. Of course with her luck, it is also on one of her bad mornings. 

She had been holding on to the overhead bar, her arm raised above her head, sweating in the jumper she’d pulled on when she began to feel the first prickle of lightheadedness. _Here we go_ , Rey thought. The sickly six. Tired, hot, not enough breakfast, physical activity, standing up, arms raised. The six factors that when combined, had caused her many problems over the years. 

It all had started from staying up too late the night before. She’d overslept and was already twenty minutes behind from the moment she woke up. She had thrown on some clothes, made a sad attempt at make-up and had to skip her usual bowl of rice krispies and simply shove an apple in her mouth as she hustled out the door. Then, of course, she had to run to catch her train and as she was late on the platform, she missed out on a seat and had to stand up, holding the bar near the door. 

So there she was, beginning to feel the draining feeling of blood leaving her head, clammy skin and knees urging her to collapse on the ground. Her face unnaturally pale and white, freckles standing out in stark contrast to her skin. 

Rey knew that the longer she remained standing, the higher the chances were of her blacking out, so she finally obeys her body’s urging and bends to sit heavily on the ground between the feet of her fellow passengers. Awkwardly angling her body between the forest of legs, she leans against the clear perspex divider and metal railing, stretching her own legs out as much as the limited space affords and dropping her head down to rest as low as she can. 

She breathes slowly in through her nose, willing the urge to vomit back down both figuratively and literally, flexing her feet and calves as her doctor advised her. This will not be a day she throws up, she chants to herself. She has had many of those days over the years, in various embarrassing locations. Twice before on the train. 

Rey checks her backpack slowly for the sick bag she’s learned to carry. There’s one left. She’ll have to ask Finn if he can get some more on his next trip for work. Taking a bite of the squashed muesli bar she's been carrying at the bottom of her bag for months, she continues her positive self-talk. She will just take it easy for the rest of the trip and everyone will continue to remain focused on their own phones and disregard her sudden drop at their feet. 

Just as that thought passes through her head, two large black shoes shuffle into her view. 

“You okay?” The voice is deep, rumbling and resonant. 

Rey tilts her head slowly upwards. 

_Oh no_. 

It’s the hot guy she’d seen the previous week, frowning down at her. 

This is _just_ what she was hoping would happen the next time she met him—being the lone weirdo crouching on the floor of the train amongst a sea of legs, face devoid of color, like a sickly Victorian child. 

Rey breathes deeply again in embarrassment, smiling weakly. It could be worse, she tells herself. Her shirt is still clean and vomit-free. 

“Fine, thanks. Just feeling a bit sick. It’ll pass soon.” 

He crouches down near her, his wide frame forcing the people standing next to them further back.

“Are you sure?” he asks skeptically, as his dark eyes scan her no doubt death-mask pale face. 

Rey slowly nods her head again, forcing a grimace.

“Yes, really. This happens all the time. It’s basically normal for me,” she attempts to joke. 

Frustration is swirling through her, choking up her throat. Why is it now that she sees him again—why couldn’t it have been yesterday when she was wearing her favorite red checkered pencil skirt that Finn said makes her ass look edible? She had looked all over the train for him, hoping for another glimpse, maybe even an awkward but romantic interaction where she squeezed up past him or stood pressed against him in the crowd, her butt brushing his pants, his hands on her waist manoeuvring her gently as he passed. 

Instead, here she is, having a glamorous fainting spell while trying desperately to not regurgitate her minimal breakfast onto his shoes. Maybe he’ll whip out some smelling salts for her. 

The man continues to frown, moving his bag off his shoulder and digging around inside it. 

“Would you like some water? Or a muffin?” He holds out a bottle and plastic-wrapped pastry towards her. His concern would warm her if she wasn’t so mortified. 

Rey shakes her head, thanking him while indicating her own drink and muesli bar resting on the floor next to her, half-eaten already. Maybe once he leaves she can quietly go die somewhere else, as long as it’s not in his vicinity.

Expecting him to stand and move on, his duty and conscience fulfilled, Rey is surprised when he continues to crouch and look over her. 

“Can I help you to a seat?” he finally asks, indicating towards the nearby rows of benches, still occupied with commuters. Would he kick them off for her? Rey briefly imagines him dragging the nearest rotund businessman off by his ankles before sweeping her up in his arms. _God_. 

“Thanks, but it’s okay. Sitting like this feels better anyway. A chair’s too far off the ground.” 

He nods his head, still looking concerned. 

Rey wants to explain. She doesn’t want him to get the wrong idea. She’s not hungover and still drunk from the night before or something. She barely touches alcohol. It’s a waste of her precious earnings for one thing, not to mention the smell of it turns her stomach. Too many bad memories. 

“This often happens in the morning,” she begins. 

The man raises his eyebrows briefly, a look of surprise rippling across his face which he quickly covers with a nod. His eyes dip down towards her hand resting on her stomach for a moment before he glances up again. 

“It’s just I—” Rey starts to explain—that she often feels sick and faint if she has to run for the train and didn’t eat enough for breakfast—but she’s interrupted by an announcement of the coming station and the shuffling movement of the people around her. The man looks up and grimaces. 

“I’m sorry—this is my stop. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” 

“Oh, of course! Much better already. I’ll be fine. My station isn’t much further. Thanks though.”

He smiles slightly. ”Okay. Well, I hope things...get easier for you soon.”

Rey thanks him quietly, puzzling over his odd phrasing, as the train judders and rattles and slows to a stop. The man gets up, turning again just before the doors open.

“I’m Ben, by the way.”

“Rey.” 

“Take care of yourself, Rey,” Ben adds softly, nodding at her once with a brief smile before he walks out of the carriage and down onto the station.

  
  


\--------------

  
  


The third time Rey sees Ben is a few days later on her way home. 

The train is less packed than usual and Rey manages to find a seat, finishing off a half-priced deli sandwich while tapping out a quick text to Finn. She’s not sure how long he’ll take to reply to her. He still hasn’t replied to her last message from a week ago. 

Since he’d moved out with Rose and thrown himself into their life as a couple, he hasn’t had as much time for Rey. She understands of course and feels happy for him and adores Rose... but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a tiny part of Rey feeling sorry for herself. And that there isn’t a dark place hidden deep inside that isn’t simmering with old resentment. But this situation is nothing like her parents, she reminds herself. It’s a good thing. If she says that once a day, she’s sure she’ll come to believe it soon. 

So she’s making a conscious effort to continue to communicate normally with him, despite his slow responses sometimes, and the news from today is something she thinks he’d be interested in knowing. 

Rey has been given a temporary promotion of sorts, managing the art team on an important project while Kaydel was on mat leave. Finn had been nagging her to leave her shitty job for months, which has been a sore point between the two of them. But now that she’s been given this chance, it might be an opportunity for something better that she’d been angling for. 

Message sent, Rey looks up again to stretch her neck and bunch up her sandwich wrapper. As she does so, she spots a familiar figure standing in the entrance a few seats away, all in black. Ben. He looks to be in gym clothes—shorts and tank showing off deliciously muscled thighs and arms, duffle bag hanging over his shoulder.

A wave of longing surges through Rey. What she would give to be held tightly to his chest. Her internal muscles all clench as she inhales at the thought. 

He notices her a few minutes into the journey, glancing over in her direction before smiling widely and nodding at her in recognition. Rey smiles awkwardly back, unable to hold his gaze for more than a few seconds before looking back down to her phone, their last meeting flashing painfully through her mind. 

She reminds herself that she didn’t embarrass herself that much and at least she didn’t throw up in her hands, or worse, on his shoes. But the way he spoke to her, the care he showed. She can’t stop thinking about it. Not many people are kind enough to do that these days—to actually take their head out of their own problems and check on a stranger. On the train. Which is basically a huge no-no, so he gets double points for that. 

Rey has never felt particularly shy when with men, always giving back as good as she gets, but this one makes her lose all her nerve. Maybe it’s because the more she sees and interacts with him, the more distracting he becomes. 

His thoughtfulness and care only adds to his attractiveness. Over the last week she could not hide from the fact she wants him. She wants to run her hands up his thick biceps, over his strong shoulders, tangle her fingers into his hair, smooth her thumb down his regal nose and across his full lips. Run her hands across his chest and the pecs which are hinted at through his shirt. 

Rey continues to play with her phone—while surreptitiously watching Ben—and allows herself a moment to go an imaginary step further. She wonders whether he is as big all over as he seems. Surely he would be proportional to his height and breadth. An image burns through her mind of his big hands stroking himself to full hardness, her fingers replacing his and teasing the way along soft skin. God, the way he would touch her and fill her. She feels _empty_ just thinking of it. 

Rey can feel herself blush, red creeping over her cheeks and down her neck. Hopefully no-one can tell what she’s thinking. She glances up at Ben. He’s staring out the window, leaning back against the glass of the dividing wall. He looks over again and catches her eye, smirking and raising an eyebrow at the passenger seated next to her. 

The businessman in the knitted cap has been nodding off all through the journey, his body tilting sideways with every jerk of his chin, his head getting progressively closer to leaning on Rey’s shoulders. She’d been trying to ignore the gradual encroachment on her space but in the last minute it seems to have gotten worse. If only he’d had a permanent neon sign lit above his head, notifying all potential seat neighbours of his narcoleptic tendencies—the situation is awkward and unpleasant in the least, having some stranger who smells of body odor and stale cheese tipping ever closer to her body, and with the swaying of the train, contact is imminent.

Rey glances back at Ben, glad to express her annoyance and discomfort to him by rolling her eyes and shaking her head. 

Just at that moment, the train rattles the passengers from side to side, causing the sleeping businessman’s head to finally come to rest on Rey’s shoulder. She sighs and tries to nudge the man’s head back up with a sharp shrug. His head lifts for a second before falling right back to its previous position, surprisingly heavy. 

Standing above her now in the aisle, presumably having moved during the latest stop, Ben covers his mouth with his hand and lets out a snort of laughter. 

“Need any help there?” he asks. 

“Let me just…” Rey elbows the man’s body to the side, trying to lean him against the window. It succeeds for a few seconds, before his body and head tilt over to Rey’s side again, pulled by his weight. Rey groans in frustration, her mind noting that Ben is sniggering overhead.

How the hell is this happening to Rey? Has she not suffered enough with train-related incidents in front of Ben?

One last almighty shrug shoves the man's head up at an angle and combined with the sudden jerk of the carriage to the side, he wakes up with a snort, rubbing his eyes. With no apology or even recognition of his body's infringement on Rey's personal bubble, he gathers his things and shuffles quickly up and down the aisle. Well, what cheek! Rey glares at his departing back. 

"Good job! I thought you were going to have to live there forever." 

"Thanks," she replies dryly. 

God, he’s even more gorgeous when he laughs, Rey thinks, his eyes crinkling and body relaxed. Ben moves to sit down in the now vacant seat beside Rey, his knees bumping hers briefly before he moves his long legs out of the way. 

“So, should I have brought a blanket and neck pillow?” Ben frowns, patting his shoulders and neck in mock concern. “Do you often have that effect on men in the train?”

“Actually I do. Just from being within a thirty centimetre radius of me. It’s a real problem.” _Smooth, Rey. Real smooth._

Thankfully, Ben seems amused. “Actually, now that you mention it, I am feeling a bit—,” he stops to yawn exaggeratedly—“tired all of a sudden.” 

“Ha ha,” Rey smiles, charmed at his manner. 

“So I couldn’t help but hear… ‘centimetre’? And your accent?” Ben says. 

“Oh. Yeah.” Rey glances down, embarrassed for some reason, although she always has to briefly touch on her origins, or whatever story she has decided to tell, at least once upon first meeting someone. When she’s in the States her accent keeps giving her away. 

“I’m obviously not from around here, at least originally. Using rational units of measurement is not a common occurrence in these parts!” she deflects. 

“Right. We do like making things harder for ourselves. Why do something the easy way, just because the rest of the world does? That’s what I always say, anyway.” 

“Of course,” Rey nods seriously, before smiling again, her gaze getting stuck in Ben’s eyes. That same connection between them from before has suddenly reformed, leaving Rey feeling breathless and vulnerable. Ben’s nod slows and his mouth softens as he stares back at her in a slowly growing silence. 

The train rattles and clicks around a corner, forcing Ben’s shoulder into hers, his warmth noticeable even through her jacket. It soon becomes too much and Rey ducks her head quickly, fiddling with her bag on her lap and feeling unsteady and uncertain. Something about him makes her so nervous yet excited at the same time, like the moment of a rollercoaster climbing up the ascent, knowing there will be an exhilarating fall to come. 

“So, I hope you’re feeling better today?” 

A flush of embarrassment floods through her at the forced reminder of their last interaction. 

“Oh—yes, I’m fine thanks. All good.” She’d love to erase that meeting from their collective memories. His at the very least. She didn’t mind remembering how caring he was. That part was acceptable. 

Ben nods his head again, smiling briefly. “I’m glad.”

She _has_ to stop staring at his hands. Right now. Stop staring at his long, large fingers as he holds them up to brush against his mouth. His full, kissable lips. 

She quickly searches for another topic, desperate to occupy her mind with something other than his hands and mouth and what she’d like to do with them, and move his thoughts off of her being a fainting fool. 

Rey spies a design on his duffle bag—one that would have escaped her notice on any other day. _Han and Chewie’s Auto_. A huff of laughter escapes her mouth. It seems impossible. 

“Do you know Han and Chewie?” 

Whatever comment Ben was expecting next, it was obviously not this. He raises his eyebrows and his mouth quirks slightly, as he glances down at his bag. “Yeah, I’m afraid so,” he says. “How do you—?"

“I go there. They’re great,” Rey says happily. “Plus Maz’s diner next door is the best.”

“Yeah. Maz is a character.”

Rey’s brain finally catches up with Ben’s first comment. “So how...?” 

Ben pauses before reluctantly supplying; “Han— he’s my father. And Chewie and Maz are my godparents. I basically grew up there. It was almost my second home.” 

“Huh, wow.” Rey examines Ben’s face for signs of his father. Maybe there’s something about his eyes and mouth. His long nose. She’ll have to look carefully at Han on her next visit. 

An image of a small dark-haired Ben running around the shop, being chased by Chewie and lifted up into Han’s arms, flits through Rey’s thoughts. She finds herself enchanted and envious in a strange mix.

“You know, if I wasn’t in design and marketing, I think I’d be a mechanic—I like to dabble a bit. I always have a good chat with Han.” 

“I’m sure he loves you, then.”

Rey gives a half-smile, her heart twisting at the thought of it—of having a father who loved and was proud of her. 

“Maybe. He does give me a discount every time I go,” she says, remembering her last visit a month ago. “Do you go there often?” 

Ben rubs his jaw, an unreadable expression crossing his face. 

“Not really.” 

“Oh.”

“My parents—well. I see my mom often enough at work—I’m a lawyer at her NGO. And my dad... we don’t always get on. I mean, I know that they have good intentions, but they just are always nagging me about my life and what I have and haven’t done. What my friends are doing; getting a girlfriend, kids, you know.” 

He seems to blush slightly, before continuing, “Typical parents, I suppose. They want the best for their child, but don’t always go about it in the best way.” 

Rey smiles weakly. “I guess so.” 

This is a conversation topic in which Rey always feels left behind—much like her experience with her actual parents. She cannot compare or relate. She has no stories to share. Unless she feels up to pulling out the immediate downer of— “My parents left me at a Poundland when I was four and never came back,” which she _doesn’t_. 

Ben seems to notice her change in mood and frowns, pausing as though he wants to say something before he gently starts— 

“I’m sure you—”

Ben is interrupted by the obnoxious buzzing of her phone in her hand, startling her and surprising him. He glances down at her phone before quickly looking up and away.

_Number 1 boy_

> **Hey peanut! Awesome news! Do u have time for a call now? Only got a minute. Rosie and I are going out to dinner soon** <

Rey scans the text and quickly dumps it back in her bag. “Sorry about that.”

“No—not at all—please don’t mind me. If you need to talk—”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just Finn. He’s my…” Rey pauses as she debates what to call him—her foster brother, best friend, closest thing to family. “My friend,” she settles on. “Although he’s not really all mine anymore. Gotta change that name,” she mutters to herself. 

Rey considers explaining about her closest friend and what had been happening between them lately, but quickly dismisses the idea. Guys often don’t understand her relationship with Finn. They become jealous or think there is something more going on between them. But as Rey and Finn met in foster care and moved to the US together, they were more like brother and sister now. 

Rey’s phone rings again a few seconds later. She glances at it and sighs. 

_Number 1 boy_ is calling.

He always did have the worst timing. 

“You need to get that?” Ben asks. 

“Oh no, I’ll call him later,” Rey insists, frowning. “He won’t be able to talk long anyway, so it’d be better if I try him another time. We’ve got so much to talk about, so there’s no point having a brief call.” 

“Oh?” Ben raised his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, there's just lots of things. Changes at work, and… Finn moving out and away and you know, everything else that’s happening. And is going to happen.” She gestures weakly and Ben nods, looking serious, his eyes dipping down to her hands for a second. She glances down too, to see what he’s looking at, but her hands are just resting on her bag on her lap. 

“Anyway, sorry. You don’t want to hear about my dramas right now.”

“Oh no, please, I don’t mind,” he says quietly. 

He is such a good listener, and the way he shared his thoughts about his family—it was nice to hear him open up. And Rey would never have considered discussing this with anyone in their first proper conversation, but the way Ben’s looking at her, silently encouraging, his eyes crinkling in concern and interest, gives her so much comfort that more just comes tumbling out. 

“It’s just—I always imagined things differently,” she pauses, picturing the vision of her career she’d dreamed of, her best friend by her side. “And Finn, he was always there for me. He _still_ will be there for me when I need it, but just not all the time. Not now that he’s moved in with his new girlfriend. But that’s okay.” 

For some reason, Ben’s face darkened as she talked, and it almost seemed as though he was scowling as she mentioned Finn. Although that mustn’t have been the case. Maybe he was getting bored from Rey nattering on for so long.

“Anyway, I’m sure it’ll all be for the best. I’m actually really excited about how things will work out.” Rey finishes, smiling brightly. And she _was_ looking forward to her new position as project lead. There weren’t many days in the past year that she could honestly say she was happy to go to work. 

“That’s great,” Ben nods. “And I— I hope things do work out for you,” he says seriously. His mouth opens to form another sentence, but he pauses, looks down at his thumb rubbing the knuckles of his other hand and nods again, smiling faintly. 

“Thanks,” Rey says softly, moved by this genuine wish from a near stranger. 

As he stares up at her again, their eyes meet. 

Time seems to slow. A honeyed heat spreads all over her body. 

Ben swallows loudly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. His eyes scan her face, a thousand thoughts flickering past his eyes, searching—almost— yearning, for something. And like a lightning bolt to her heart, she has the sudden jointly thrilling and terrifying thought—that maybe, he might be as affected by her as she is by him. 

Rey holds her breath, her heart suddenly pounding in her ears as she waits. And waits. 

A chiming announcement overhead signals the coming station. Ben blinks, shaking his head slightly and clearing his throat while looking around. The spell broken, Rey releases a breath and sighs. The train begins to slow as it nears the station, Ben straightening and grabbing his duffle bag, giving her a regretful smile as he does. 

“This is my stop—sorry—I’ve got to go,” Ben says before continuing haltingly. “But it was...nice. To talk.” He stands up, hitching his bag on his shoulder and raking a hand through his hair. 

“See you, Rey,” he adds softly, giving her a small wave and making to move down the aisle.

Rey blinks, perplexed. That ended quickly. He’s either really shy or maybe she was mistaken and he’s just not interested, she thinks. But she could have sworn that he was into her. The number of times they’ve locked eyes and the way he seemed so kind. Almost flirty at times. 

Panicking, Rey realizes this might be her only chance to see him again, to talk to him again. She can’t lose this chance… who knows when she’ll see him next. 

She quickly looks in her bag, grabbing the first bit of scrap paper and pen she can find before scribbling her number and forcing herself to stand and move towards the entrance.

As she nears him, the doors slide open and he moves to exit the train. She hurries and almost stumbles to call out—“Ben, wait!” 

He pauses and turns, already half-off the train, looking up at her with a question in his eyes. 

The words stick in her mouth. His face— _his_ _face_ —stares back at her. 

And she can’t think of what to say. So she simply holds out the scrap of paper. 

“...This is for you.” 

He slowly reaches out, fingers brushing gently against Rey’s palm as he takes the paper from her. 

“Doors closing, please stand clear,” blares out from the train’s speaker and Rey jerks back between the smoothly closing doors. She watches Ben step down and move behind the yellow line. 

As the train begins to move off the station, she watches him look down at the paper, still crinkled from her bag.

Just as the train rounds the corner, his mouth begins to curve upwards.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all your kudos and comments! :D 
> 
> Here, have some more awkward and adorable Ben. Plus some MAJOR miscommunication...

Rey busies herself with work over the next few days, trying not to obsess about watching her phone, waiting for it to call or to get a message. A couple of times she jumps when it buzzes, only to find a message from Finn, who’d finally gotten around to following up with her again, or from Rose, or an email from work. It’s not unusual for people to wait a few days before calling, she reminds herself. 

As the days go by, however, she begins to doubt. Maybe they didn’t have a connection. Maybe she was just imagining the way Ben’s eyes seemed to linger on hers, the way they spoke. Of course he wasn’t into her. He must get hit on by women every day. He must have to bat them away from him in frustration. 

Maybe he’s hanging out with his friends, laughing at all the numbers he’s gotten from women. This time from the flat-chested and homely-looking girl who gets sick on the train. Or even worse, maybe he’s snuggling up now to a girl he’s dating. Rey pictures a petite, curvy blonde leaning up to kiss his face, Ben gazing down at her in awe.

Every morning and evening she looks for him in the carriage and on the station platforms. She looks hard to see a glimpse of a tall, dark-haired man. Sometimes she thinks she sees him, only to be disappointed. 

In some ways, Rey thinks, maybe it was a blessing she hasn’t seen him on the train. If he wasn’t interested and was avoiding her, at least she didn’t have to run into him and listen to him awkwardly reject her. And seeing him avoid her and move away from her would be _awful_. 

Rey drowns in the embarrassment. _Idiot._ How could she have misread things so much?

\--------------

On Friday, four days after not seeing or hearing any signs from Ben, Rey is surprised when a large, Ben-sized body sits next to her on the 5:10pm train. 

It _is_ Ben. 

Rey flinches and stares blankly at him. 

“Hi, Rey,” he says softly. 

Rey’s heart starts pounding, her stomach sinking. 

“Hey.”

Ben runs his hand through his hair and frowns.

“Rey—I was hoping to see you. I’m sorry for not calling straight away. I just—I needed to think. I was going to call you tonight if I didn’t see you. It’s... it’s a big thing for me and I wanted to be sure—”

“No need to explain,” Rey interrupts quickly, not wanting to let him come up with more unnecessary and embarrassing excuses. “We can forget it happened. Seriously, Ben,” she says somewhat curtly, desperately trying to appear unfazed. 

She was counting down to the moment he got up and left. She couldn’t handle having to endure listening to his empty platitudes, while inside she berated herself for getting so caught up in him when they’d barely had a full conversation. 

Ben shakes his head, looking frustrated and signaling her to stop. “No—no, I don’t want to forget it. I just… I’m sorry—I don't… this is a bit unusual for me, so I needed to think about it,” Ben says. 

Rey wasn’t sure what was unusual, but if he needed time to think, then of course that was fine. Although if he had to think so hard about it, maybe he wasn’t that keen. Maybe he just didn’t date much or ever have a girl ask him out? Rey feels unsettled and confused. 

Ben continues seriously, “So I’ve thought about it and well, no matter what the future holds—we never know what will happen. But I do know that I really like you… and I want to get to know you more.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

A sense of relief and growing pleasure flows over Rey, even as she puzzles over his words—he has a strange way of phrasing things. _No matter what the future holds?_

“And also, just so you know, you can talk to me about anything—whatever you like—when you’re ready. About you, or your situation. I won’t push,” he adds, earnestly. 

At this Rey pauses, tilting her head to the side. _Her situation?_ What did he mean by that? Is it that obvious that Rey has an unconventional background? That she’s grown up in the foster system? She swore she didn’t mention anything about her history the last time they spoke. Unless she did make a casual remark about parents and he put two and two together. Now that she thinks about it, she can hardly remember. 

“So anyway, that’s just a long way of saying, can I take you out?” Ben looks up determinedly. “Maybe we could go out for a drink together—or actually maybe just coffee—or tea, tea’s fine, or any other cold beverage really. Or how about dinner? Dinner is good—if later in the day is better…” he cringes slightly as he finishes and runs his hand through his hair again. 

Rey can’t help the smile that breaks across her face. Odd phrasing and inexplicable deductions aside, he is _adorable_. 

She answers quickly, reaching out to touch his arm and reassure him. “Ben—dinner is fine.” 

Ben sighs and nods, looking relieved. “Okay, great. Well, I’m looking forward to it,” he grins, more relaxed. 

“Also, before I forget—I um, have something for you—” He reaches into his duffle bag resting on the floor and pulls out a round white container. 

It rattles as he hands it to Rey. There’s a colorful picture of a dirt-colored knobbly thing and some leaves on the front. 

_Ginger Root tablets._

Huh. 

He looks embarrassed as he ducks his head. “I don’t want to overstep here and I know you can get them yourself, or maybe someone has already gotten them for you, but I heard that—well, I just heard that ginger is good for you if you often feel sick in the mornings… and my mom always says that it helped her and so when I saw this on Wednesday, I, uh, thought of you.” Ben looks up briefly before quickly looking down at his knees again. 

Well. That was unexpectedly sweet. If a bit surprising. And different. Rey wasn’t sure what to make of it, but she could feel a growing glow in her chest. 

Someone was thinking of her. Someone cared about her. 

“Sorry. I know it’s a weird thing—it’s lame. Actually, it’s probably extremely inappropriate—what was I thinking,” he mutters to himself. “I’m sorry, I apologize—you don’t have to take it.” Ben makes to grab the container back off from her before she quickly moves it out of his reach.

“No—no, it’s great. Really. It’s actually, very thoughtful,” she looks down again, “and I probably do need to have more vitamins.” 

“Okay, well I’m sorry again. I don’t know how to do this exactly, but I’m willing to try. For you.”

“Oh? You’ve—you’ve never done this before?” 

“Not this particular—not with someone—I mean, I know I’m getting older and basically all of my friends already have—but it just hasn’t been something I ever thought I’d do. There’s never been anyone that I wanted to with… Not that I’m suggesting I will with you...Sorry. Fuck, I’m mucking this up.” He runs a hand restlessly through his hair once more, making it stick up slightly. 

Rey blinks. 

It sounds like he’s saying that he has never dated before, or even… but no. Surely not. Ben—a virgin? 

Rey desperately wants to ask about this, but a part of her holds back. She knows this can be a sensitive subject and she’d hate for him to feel embarrassed or that there was something wrong with him. Because there certainly is not. She doesn’t care if he has never gotten around to doing any of that before. And it’s not like her lacklustre experiences in the past count for much. So she keeps her mouth closed. Leave him to talk about it in his own time. 

He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “Anyway, I just know that I can’t let you walk away, whatever complications there are at the moment. And I know I don’t know you very well yet either, but I want to. I really do. And I—um, think you’re gorgeous. So there’s that,” he says with a lopsided grin, dimples showing. 

Rey laughs and ducks her head shyly. “Thanks.” She looks back up into his dark, searching eyes, heart thumping. “And... I’d like to get to know you too.” 

As Rey walks home from the train station half an hour later, backpack rattling as she goes, she has a sudden realization. Ben must have been carrying around a container of Ginger Root tablets in his bag all day long. Maybe even for multiple days. In case he ran into her. 

She laughs out loud, delighted at the thought, heart bursting with some soft and bright emotion slowly spreading out through her chest. 

It keeps her warm all the way home and through the night. As she lays her head down on her pillow, she is still smiling to herself, sure to dream of a certain adorably-awkward and sweet man. 

\--------------

“So, where you off to tonight, huh? Is that a new dress? You’re looking pretty fine.”

Rey busies herself with finishing up her makeup, concentrating so she doesn’t smudge her eyeliner. She doesn’t know why she is bothering with this, as she can barely draw a straight line on paper let alone on her eyelid, but she’d like to make an effort. The pointy tip is a little gloopy, so it’s not going very well so far. She can’t remember when she bought it, so it must be a few years old at least. That might have something to do with it.

Finn is lounging on her bed, kicking his feet up and hugging the cushions, while Rose goes through Rey's cupboard.

“Hey, is this the top you were talking about? This blue one?” Rose pulls out a long-sleeved sweater and waves it in Rey’s direction, who glances at it in the mirror before nodding.

“Yep. You can borrow that if you like.” While they weren’t the exact same size, Rey really enjoys having the chance to swap clothes with another girl. She’d never had much experience with that while growing up. Unless you counted the second- and third-hand charity shop cast-offs that were handed down through the foster kids. Which Rey didn’t. 

Rose smiles and holds it up to herself, checking the length in the standing mirror near the door. 

“So, Peanut. Stop avoiding the question. Where are you going? Is there a work thing on?” 

“Nope.”

“Well, where then? Tell me,” Finn whinges. 

“Honey, isn’t it obvious? Rey’s got a date.” Rose flicks a glance at him, raising her eyebrows. 

“What? A hot date? You met someone? When did this happen? Anyone I know?” Finn sits up suddenly on the bed, looking over to Rey. 

Rey sighs, resigned, dropping her eyeliner back to the dresser below her small mirror. She knew she couldn’t keep it from Finn and Rose for long. While Finn could be oblivious at times, Rose was usually very observant. 

“Yes, a date. No, you don’t know him. I met him… on the train—,” she admits reluctantly, anticipating Finn’s reaction. 

“On the train? Rey, are you serious? He could be a serial killer!” 

“Finn—he’s Han’s son. Han from _Han and Chewie’s Auto_.” 

“Oh.” Finn frowns. “You love that place.”

Rose smiles over from the open cupboard. “That’s great, Rey. So, if you don’t mind telling us, what’s his name? What’s he like?”

Rey focuses on looking down at her makeup scattered around the top of her dresser, trying not to make eye contact with either of them. 

“It’s Ben. And he seems really... sweet.” She tries hard to control the muscles in her mouth and not beam uncontrollably when she remembers the few interactions she’s had with him. “The first time we spoke was a morning when I was feeling sick. He asked if I was okay…”

“Oh, that’s lovely,” Rose sighs. Finn frowns. 

“Rey, you need to look after yourself better!” he admonishes. 

“Yeah, yeah. I just slept in and had to skip breakfast and run for the train, you know—the usual.” While Finn continues his good-natured grumbling, Rey inspects her makeup one final time, satisfied that it’s the best it can be for something she does only once or twice a year. 

“Okay, well, I’m going to have to leave in a minute.” They’re having dinner at a little restaurant a few blocks down from her apartment. 

“Hey, why don’t we give you a lift? Seeing as we’ll be going now, anyway,” Rose suggests.

Rey considers the offer. It _would_ save her from getting all hot and sweaty on the way over.

“Yeah—Rey, we can’t let you walk there by yourself.” Finn insists. “Plus I want to get a good look at this guy…” he mutters to himself. 

“Finn!” Rey glares. “Fine, the lift will be great, but you’re staying in the car, okay. I don’t need you to walk me in, alright?” 

“Alright?” she repeats, staring at Finn. 

“Of course. Honey?” Rose elbows Finn and raises her eyebrows expectantly. 

Finn rolls his eyes before muttering, “Fine. But if he turns out to be a dickhead, I want you to call right away and we'll pick you up.” 

“Fine!” 

\--------------

Finn and Rose supply a steady stream of chatter during the three-minute drive, continuing their usual conversations about holidays they’re planning and television shows they're watching. For once, Rey doesn't notice that small part of her that feels envious. She’s more focused on the building excitement and flickering nerves in her stomach and chest. Even though it’s only been one day, she cannot wait to see Ben again. 

As they near the strip of coffee shops and restaurants, Rey calls out to Rose, who’s driving. “Just here is fine, thanks.”

She makes to gather her small purse and keys, checking she’s got her lip-gloss. 

“Rey, remember what I said—if he gives any hint—” 

“Yes, thank you, Finn. I do remember.” Rey says, bemused. While Finn has been busy with Rose, she's noticed that this week he has been trying to make more of an effort, which she appreciates. Plus she's always known that when he is focused on her, he is all in. 

“I’ll be fine. And thanks.” She opens the door and scrambles out, waving once as she walks away. 

\--------------

Ben meets her out the front of one of her local restaurants, looking even more handsome in a black henley and dark blue jeans. He looks so… touchable. Rey’s hands immediately itch to smooth and stroke over his chest and shoulders. 

Ben stares as he sees her, eyes dipping down over her dress and boots briefly, before standing up from the wall he’s leaning against. At this moment his smile feels like the sun coming out from behind a cloud, blinding Rey with his goodness and filling her with gold right up to the brim. 

“Hi,” he murmurs as she nears him. 

Rey smiles. “Hey.”

He stands there awkwardly for a minute and then jerks forward to place his hand on her shoulder, leaning down to brush a soft kiss against her cheek. Rey inhales sharply, suddenly conscious of the size and weight of his hand on her shoulder, the softness of his lips and the scent of his aftershave. He draws back slowly, gazing at her once more.

“You look—you look beautiful.” 

Rey opens her mouth to thank him shyly but is interrupted by someone calling her name. It’s coming from down the road near where she got out of the car. 

_Great_ , she thinks. It’s Finn. She’s going to kill him. He’s running towards her, his hand holding something out. 

As he approaches, Rey walks towards him, hoping to send him off before he can talk to Ben. But he’s fast and she only walks two paces before he reaches her.

“Finn, what is it? I thought I told you—” 

“You forgot your phone!” He hands it to her. “You don’t want to leave it, especially not if you need it. You know, to call people,” he says meaningfully. 

Rey sighs and thanks him, hoping she can quickly get rid of him now without any further interactions. Finn however, does not seem in any hurry to leave and is looking over at Ben curiously.

When Rey turns back to look over at him, Ben has his hands in his pockets and is staring off to the side of them, stiff and still. Rey realizes how much expression was on his face a second ago, how much feeling in his eyes, as his current manner appears the opposite. It seems carefully blank. 

“So, uh…” Finn stands there staring at Rey and Ben. “I’m Finn,” he holds out his hand with a smile. 

Ben looks over and stares at him for a brief moment. Rey wonders what he’s thinking about to earn such a look. 

“Ben,” he says, shortly, briefly shaking his hand.

“You’re Han’s son, right? I guess Rey has told you how much she loves cars? She’s always over at your dad’s having a chat about something. She’s a bit of a handy mechanic herself, you know.” He wraps an arm around her shoulders, giving her a little squeeze. “And we’ve had some pretty memorable times in cars together, haven’t we? Rey, remember that time we stayed out all night on Valentine’s—” 

“That’s enough, Finn. You don’t need to tell that story, thank you,” Rey interrupts, blushing. Just like him to want to share the story of how her car broke down after they were coming back from one of their ironic ‘single together’ dinners on Valentine’s Day. She spent all night trying to fix it, too stubborn to listen to him and call a tow, before eventually giving in after two hours spent with her head under the hood. God, Finn could be obnoxious sometimes. 

Rey glances up at Ben. He looks like he has swallowed something unpleasant, jaw moving and eyes hard.

“Anyway, I hope she doesn’t bore you with all her talk about cars and mechanical stuff for too long. It puts me right to sleep,” Finn says, matter-of-factly, with a sly grin. Rey rolls her eyes. One of her and Finn’s hobbies is teasing each other—just one of the ways they show affection. 

Ben, in contrast, does not seem to get the joke. 

“Rey can talk about whatever she likes, for as long as she wants,” he says, seriously and coldly. “I would hate for her to feel like she has to rein in her enthusiasm, or that her interests and needs must always come second to mine.” 

Rey blinks. She doesn’t see Finn’s reaction to this rather stern but determined response, as she can’t take her eyes off Ben’s face, eyes blazing with some heated emotion. It leaves her feeling like it’s difficult to take a deep breath. And her face has warmed for some reason. 

“Oh, of course, man. I didn’t mean—” 

She forces herself to turn to Finn, desperate to bring this conversation to an end. 

“Okay, time to go now, thanks Finn,” she urges, glaring at him and giving him a small nudge. 

“Yeah, yeah. But remember Peanut, what I told you—?” he says, as he turns to start walking backward. 

“Goodbye, Finn!” 

“Nice to meet you, Ben!” Finn adds, a smirk on his lips. 

Rey gives him one last exasperated wave, watching him jog back to Rose’s car, before turning back to Ben, who is still frowning. Rey hurries to apologize for her friend.

“Sorry about that—he can be difficult at times. He loves joking around with me. But he means well.” She shrugs and then remembers what brought him over in the first place. “I must have left my phone in the car. He and Rose gave me a lift here.” 

Ben nods, "Sure." His mouth is still downturned. 

“Hey, you okay?” Rey says, concerned. 

Ben looks back up, eyebrows raised before his mouth quirks. He smiles back at her, warmth slowly returning to his eyes. 

“Never better.” 

\--------------

As far as first dates go, it seems to be a great success. Dinner goes well. The conversation flows smoothly and Rey finds herself laughing and smiling nearly every minute. 

At the start, Ben seems quite nervous. Nothing major, just little signs. 

When they are taken to their table, Ben reaches the table first, pulling his seat out and moving to sit down before immediately springing back up, as though he had sat on a hedgehog, and rushes around to pull Rey’s chair back for her. 

After they’re both seated, he fiddles with the table settings and as he’s looking over the menu, he accidentally lowers the thick paper over the single candle, causing it to smoke, before he realizes and waves it about frantically, dismay in his eyes. Rey can’t stop her slight smirk and tries to cover her laugh with a cough. Disaster averted, Ben glares at her while the tips of his ears turn red.

“I’m sorry—you’re just too cute.” How had she never noticed his ears before? They stick out quite a bit, although he obviously tries to hide them with his long hair. She wants to nibble them.

A young waiter comes over to their table, smiling brightly and offers them the wine list. Ben reaches for it before pausing, looking down at it, and glancing at Rey. 

“Oh, uh…” 

Rey looks at the waiter. “I’ll just have a sparkling water, but Ben, you have a wine or beer if you’d like.” 

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to drink while you’re not.” 

“I really don’t mind. Go ahead.” 

Ben seems unsure. He looks at Rey for a moment, before he says, resolved, “No. I don’t need one.” 

When it comes time to order their meals, Rey debates whether to get everything she wants, before deciding—fuck it.

She asks the waiter for two starters, a side of potatoes and a pasta main. “I have a real craving for some veggies and carbs,” Rey explains to Ben once the waiter leaves with their requests. 

Ben doesn’t blink at this. “Oh, yeah? Have you, um, gotten many cravings for things?” 

“Every so often. I probably haven’t eaten as well as I should. I know I didn’t eat very well when I was younger—” _in the homes,_ Rey thinks, but she can’t bring herself to discuss it just yet, so she simply says, “but I’m trying to eat healthier. And more now. For lots of reasons,” she continues awkwardly, “so I think this is coming out of that, you know.” 

Ben nods, his eyes sympathetic. The conversation soon moves on. 

Rey explains about her new position and how excited she is for once about work. 

“And your bosses have been okay with everything?” Ben asks. 

“Yeah, they’ve been great, actually. I didn’t think they would be open to letting me do this.” Rey knew they could have given the position to a number of other, louder, more opinionated people in the team. 

“So how long is it for?”

“It’ll be only for another six months before I’ll have to finish up. Then Kaydel will be back.” Rey sighs. “And life will change again!”

Ben nods, an unreadable expression on his face. He looks like he wants to ask a question, so Rey waits. And waits, while he fiddles with his fork. Then the moment is gone when their meals arrive. 

As they talk and the time passes, Rey finds herself noticing more details about him. Her mind flashes images at her, interrupting the chain of her thoughts. It’s hard to keep track of the conversation, so distracted is she becoming. 

His throat and the edge of his jaw is smooth with just a hint of a very light stubble. Rey feels a powerful urge to lean forward and rest her head in his neck, to rub her face all over his throat, to lick a long stripe up his neck. To bite his chin and shoulder. Her eyes take in his lips. Their fullness, their slight pink blush. She finds herself staring, wondering how’d they feel against her own. 

Her mind notices not just physical details, but other things. How carefully he cuts his meal and uses his utensils, laying them down gently and in what is no doubt the appropriate and correct way, seemingly automatically. 

He seems to really enjoy listening to her speak and sits attentively with a small smile as she recounts particular funny stories about some of her university experiences. He is modest and kind, understanding and gentle. And tall. 

After they finish their meal and their plates have been taken away, she finds herself caught again in his gaze, both smiling at each other. She feels she should say something; say anything about how she feels. So there’s no doubt. No misunderstanding. She fights a blush and forces herself to blurt out what’s been on her mind for a week now. 

“I know we’ve only spoken a handful of times, but I feel like I’ve known you for ages. And—I love talking with you, and hanging out. I didn’t—I didn’t expect this to happen to me right now.” She fiddles with her napkin, before looking up again, straight into Ben’s eyes. A slight smile crosses his face, and then it clears and he stares back at her intensely. 

“Believe me, I didn’t expect this either. And I feel it too.” 

\--------------

Ben leads Rey out of the door to stand in the cool air. She pulls on her jacket and fiddles with the buttons as she follows him to a stop under a particularly large maple. Rey can feel the night drawing to a close, but staring at him, standing there, she doesn’t want it to end. 

Ben has his hands in his pockets and is giving her a dimpled smile. She moves closer to him and stands as near as she allows herself.

“Thank you. For dinner,” she says and places her hand lightly on his muscled forearm. The hair on his arm is soft and disappears up under his rolled sleeve. She strokes his arm, suddenly transfixed.

“It—was my pleasure.” 

She should move her hand now. But. She can’t. 

There’s silence. Only the noise of passing cars, and the breeze rustling the nearby trees that line the street. Ben swallows, staring down at her. At her hand on his arm. 

Rey becomes aware of her heart beating. She can feel it in her fingertips. Or is that his heartbeat? Surely it can’t be as loud as her own. Like hers is, pounding in her chest. 

She physically cannot remove her hand from his arm. Someone would have to pull her off of him for her to move now; they’re like two magnets stuck together. 

She slowly slides her hand down, down, until she reaches his palm. She turns it over and stretches her fingers out on top of his, marveling at the size and length, and warmth. His fingers bend at the top to curl over the ends of hers. What must it be like, to have hands that large? That he is controlling so carefully, so gently, as he holds hers. 

He slides his fingers down and grips her hand, tugging. Rey follows, shuffling until there is no more distance between them. 

She looks up. His eyes are blazing, staring down at her with intensity. With heat. 

One of them moves and suddenly, they are kissing.

And she is not thinking—she is just feeling; his soft lips, pressing and sucking and nipping at her own. His hands holding her close—one cupping her face, the other moving up her back. His soft hair, tangled in her hands. Her arms resting on his strong shoulders as she clings to him. As they continue to kiss. 

Ben's nose brushes the side of her face and he rests his forehead against hers to take a breath, mouth curving into a soft smile.

It’s so easy. And right. Like she’s finally where she is supposed to be. 

And leaving him is _impossible_.

She has never felt more unwilling to do anything in her life.

So she whispers against his lips, holding him tighter in her arms. 

“Walk me home?”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what's going to happen next? ;) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2020 everyone! 
> 
> Well, this is it. Where it all comes together! ;)

It’s a clear night, stars visible through the glare of streetlights, wind rustling the branches of the single spindly tree outside Rey’s complex. She holds Ben's large hand in her own, his thumb slowly stroking the back of her palm as they walk up the steps and wind their way to the third floor.

Rey can hardly remember their journey. She doesn’t think they spoke much on their walk, only making a couple of comments about the neighbourhood, both seemingly happy to make their way in the expectant silence, breathing in the anticipation of what might happen, what could happen, once they got to Rey’s apartment. 

Rey can’t quite contain her smile as she darts glances up at Ben, feeling like she’s jumping out of her skin with excitement and nerves and something hot and pressing, wriggling deep inside. 

This is someone important, a voice tells her. _Don’t fuck this up._

Now facing the doorway of her home, Ben’s ostensible task completed, Rey looks up at him, unsure of what to say or how to say it. 

“Well, this is me…” 

Before she can spend more than a few seconds dithering awkwardly, Ben pulls her to him, his mouth back down on hers, swallowing her sigh. Their second kiss starts leisurely and restrained with his hands cradling her head, smoothing her hair back from her face. It’s soft and tender, like a kiss you’d see at the end of a movie, just before the credits roll. But Rey doesn’t want it to end. Like a change in tempo, it quickly flows into heated, with lips and tongues and teeth nipping and tangling. Rey clings to Ben’s shoulders and he straightens, lifting her up, her feet dangling before she wraps her legs around his waist. 

_Yes_ , her mind delights in whispering, _this is where you belong._

She sucks on his plump bottom lip and Ben groans. She can feel the deep rumble in his chest, pressed against hers, along with his racing heart, matching her own. A shiver runs through her with the feeling. An absurd but nevertheless amazing thought suddenly occurs to Rey. 

Ben is a _man_. Not just some boy—but an _actual_ , fully grown, big-handed, daily-shaving, old-fashioned-watch-wearing, _man_. 

And why that causes her to feel all hot and satisfied, she doesn’t pause to examine. She does know that she’s suddenly more aware of her own smaller size, softness and curves, pressed up against him. And it is somehow both comforting and the sexiest thing she's ever felt. 

Rey breaks away from his kiss and rests her head on his neck, breathing him in, his dark hair brushing against her face, his arms holding her tight. 

Maybe she really should say goodbye and save this for another time, another night. But now the moment has arrived, she still can’t let him go.

Rey isn’t normally one to sleep with someone after a first date, but tonight...she doesn’t think she could stop herself. 

Plus, it doesn’t feel like the first date anyway. More like the third, she rationalizes. 

“Would you—like to come in?” Rey asks, glancing down at Ben from her slightly higher position in his arms. She wonders whether to use some kind of excuse or euphemism to ask for what she wants. A coffee? Netflix and chill? Nightcap—whatever the hell _that_ is. 

“Are you sure?” Ben swallows and looks up at Rey, eyes scanning her face for signs of indecision.

Rey reminds herself that this might be Ben’s first time. She’s never been anyone’s first before. She’s not sure how she feels about that, as she’s not a sex goddess or anything, but she does at least know what she likes. 

And she has a good feeling she could get it with Ben, if he’s willing to listen. And practise. Which she is definitely on-board for.

“Yes, but only if you want. I don’t want to pressure you,” she says carefully. 

“No, I—I would.”

The way Ben’s looking at her now, his eyes fixed intensely on hers, breathing rapidly against her chest—she knows they’re on the same page. The same line. The same word. There is no need to worry about delicate phrasing. He understands and feels the same. 

Plus he does currently have his hands on her butt, as he holds her up to rest against the wall outside her apartment. That _is_ quite a strong sign.

After being deposited back on her feet, Rey needs two attempts to open the door, what with Ben crowding around her back, distracting her with his hands snaking around her waist, lips mouthing at her neck. The door finally open, she hurries him inside and throws herself back into his arms. 

They eventually make their way down to her bedroom, bumping into the hallway cupboard and picture frames as they go, Rey unwilling to break from their kiss to direct Ben more sensibly. 

Finally inside her room, Rey closes the door behind him, kicks off her shoes and in one movement pulls her dress up and off, Ben helping her when her arms are raised. She is left standing awkwardly in her simple black bra and underwear as he pauses, holding her shoulders as his eyes rake all over her form. 

Rey looks down self-consciously. Her normally quite flat belly has a slightly more rounded curve. Oh man, she really did eat a lot at dinner, she notes uncomfortably. 

But Ben seems quite taken with her stomach, staring at it with a wide-eyed look on his face, before slowly bringing his hand up and pausing with it hovering over her belly. 

“May I…?” He looks up, a question in his eyes. 

“Of course—please, touch me anywhere. Everywhere,” Rey pleads, eager to get the next part of the evening started. 

His palm smooths over her stomach and sides. He gazes down at her with what seems to be a look of wonder on his face. 

Rey blinks, bemused. If he’s that impressed by her belly, Rey doesn’t know what he’s going to do when he sees the rest of her. Which is not that impressive. At all. 

“You’re so—so soft and small still.” One of Ben’s massive hands easily spans her entire stomach. Rey squirms slightly, watching those thick fingers wrap around her waist.

She laughs awkwardly. “Yeah. Well, this is like the biggest I’ve ever been,” she says, shrugging as she remembers counting her ribs in the mirror. Good food and more of it has helped a great deal, but she’s still working on it. 

Rey directs his head back down to hers, wanting to move away from that topic, which Ben eagerly allows, pulling her gently against his chest and pressing his lips hard against hers. 

She reaches for his shirt, carefully pulling it up and over his head and staring as more skin is revealed. 

Holy shit. He’s ripped. 

No wonder her little belly looks so different to his. She could wash her clothes on his abs. Get rid of those persistent food stains. And his pecs are likely bigger than her boobs, in fact. 

As Rey has that thought, Ben fumbles with the catch of her bra, finally unhooking it, sliding the straps down and off her shoulders and dropping it onto the ground at their feet. He pulls back from leaning against her forehead to stare down at her, taking a deep breath and blinking. 

“So beautiful,” he murmurs to himself, as he runs his hands up her waist until the tips of his fingers gently brush the underside of her breasts. Rey blushes and looks at his shoulder. 

“They’re pretty small—”

“I don’t care what size you are,” Ben says, as he kisses her neck, “or what you become. Your body is amazing.” 

She shivers all over as he hunches slightly to gently cup and kiss her breasts, groaning to himself. He suddenly kneels and rests his head against her stomach, which he slowly rubs again. 

Rey blinks down at him, perplexed. That's a bit... different, she thinks. She's never had that response before. He really must love the little belly she’s got tonight. 

Ben looks up at Rey, a soft and uncertain look in his eyes. 

“Sorry—is this weird for you? I’m just trying to get my head around all this…”

 _Of course_ , Rey thinks _._ This is new to him. 

“No, it’s fine—and it’s a big thing. I understand,” Rey says, running her hands through his dark hair, reminding herself to be reassuring. 

And it feels good. She doesn’t mind if he does this all night. 

She wants this to be a positive and fun experience for him. While sex is often awkward and messy, and so far this is a little awkward (and judging by the feel between her legs, she’s messy already), Rey hopes to keep it as embarrassment and shame-free for him if she can. 

Ben gently pushes her back to lie on the bed, leaning down to kiss her softly before rising up again. She holds her breath as he slowly pulls her underwear down and off. 

His eyes devour her, lingering over her face, breasts, and down to the curve of her thighs. His hands carefully find their way between her legs, touching her gently with his fingers. 

“Can I—” 

“Yes—please,” she breathes.

Rey braces for the fumbling and awkward rubbing that will surely follow. She’ll let him have some time to explore at first and then, she’ll patiently lead him where to go. If necessary, she can give him a 10-page list of instructions. In single-spaced text. 

A few moments pass as his fingers map her curves and hidden places. She gasps softly with each exploring finger brushing over her carefully and stares up at Ben, who is biting his lip, a focused look on his face. 

“You’re so hot,” he groans to himself. 

She starts to direct him further north, but as she opens her mouth to do so, his finger finds its way there already, like he’s got his own homing beacon. She makes a little noise and closes her eyes, squeezing them shut. 

“Mmm. Right there?” He murmurs. 

“Yes, yes, that—that’s it. Keep doing that.”

She releases a breath, opening her eyes to look up at Ben. He’s looking down at his hand, pupils blown so wide his eyes are dark, darker than she’s ever seen. She grips his arm, feeling the tendons and muscles jumping as he strokes. 

“Oh, you’re actually—really good—at that.” 

“I want to be good to you.”

“You—are.” 

_Wow. Oh wow_. He was really… hitting that spot. How does he… maybe he’s had a little practice elsewhere? Or just watched a lot of porn. Whatever it is, she feels like she’s won the jackpot, as this man is so naturally talented with his hands she doesn’t know what to do. 

The introduction of his fingers into her body is another revelation. One she probably should have predicted by now. Far from the jabbing and prodding she’d become accustomed to in the past, his fingers’ movement is sublime. She loses herself in the feeling, the delicious stretch and slide of one, two, three fingers. And his thumb. His thick, fat thumb, rubbing right where she needs it. 

The _sounds_ he wrings from her, causes in her, are obscene. Not to mention the noises she distantly hears him making; swearing and groaning and whispering encouragement. She has never felt so knocked over and up and away and down and she’s twitching all over once he gets a rhythm going. 

To her rapidly diminishing surprise, it’s only a couple of minutes later that she begins to feel the tell-tale tingle starting at her core, lighting up her spine, curling her toes, spreading through her like fizzy lemonade. All her muscles clench hard, squeezing and tightening in an exquisite force, before they relax, one by one. It’s utterly refreshing, and it leaves her gasping. 

“That… really wasn’t bad,” she pants after Ben gently presses his lips to her collarbone.

He chuckles and tilts his head at her. “Uh, thanks?”

“I mean—it was _really, really_ —” Rey says against his lips, “good.” Ben’s grin causes her heart to thump hard in her chest. 

“I’m glad.” He rests on his side above her, dipping his head to touch her lips with his own again. 

She loves his mouth, nipping and sipping at hers and his hands now softly smoothing and tweaking her nipples, but she’s itching to get her hands on him. She rushes to undo his jeans, pushing them over his hips. He joins in kicking off his pants and rest of his clothes, until he is left in just his boxer briefs, tented rather impressively, if somewhat comically, over a large erection. 

Holy moly. Well, that answers that question she’s been wondering for weeks now. There’s obviously no problem with size that’s been holding him back. Unless the problem was that he’s _too_ big. But that’s not a problem that Rey recognises at this moment. 

Ben quickly shoves his briefs down and off and gathers her up in his arms. His naked skin brushing against hers feels decadent as she pulls him down to lie between her legs. The way she has to open wider and wider to accommodate his thick body amazes her. Foreshadowing much?

Just as Rey moves her head up to kiss him, desperate to feel his lips on hers now that he’s so close, Ben quickly brings his head down, aiming for her neck, with a similar idea. The resulting _crack_ from his head against hers is loud and jarring, causing both of them to jerk back and groan.

“Ah!”

“Ow!” 

They both grab their affected areas, Rey gasping at the sharp twinge of pain radiating out from her head. Ben recovers first and leans down again. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Rey—are you okay?” He brushes her hair away from her face and gently strokes her crown, kissing it softly and rubbing what feels like the beginning of a bruise.

“I’m fine. It’s alright,” she says, smiling and lifting her hands up and brushing his hair back to inspect him. He must have a thicker skull, as he has no sign of their collision. He does have slightly pink ears again though, as he grimaces and presses his lips to her head.

“Are you sure? Fuck, I’m such a fucking—” 

“Ben, hey—stop. Look at me.” 

He reluctantly lifts his eyes to hers. 

This huge, hulking and gorgeous specimen of a man is embarrassed. Which was the last thing she wanted for tonight, as he sits to the side of her now, butt naked. 

“Ben—it wasn’t your fault. And it’s all okay. It was an accident.” She stares up at him before her mouth quirks. “And kinda funny.” She can’t help the small chuckle of laughter at his sigh. 

“I’ve ruined the mood now,” he says, frowning. 

Rey looks down at his body, over his strong arms, muscled chest and lower. Despite his words, he still seems ready to go. 

“You haven’t—not for me. And apparently,” she says as she reaches down and softly strokes him, Ben responding with a soft hiss, “not for you, either.” 

She pulls him down into a heated kiss, intent on showing him with her body how interested she still is, how desperate she feels to be with him. 

He meets her lips with a groan, resuming his intense sampling of her face, neck, and chest. His fingers find their way back between her legs, testing for himself the truth of her words. 

He finally rests his forehead against hers and grabs his cock to brush up against her opening. He pauses, lifting up on his elbows. 

“Oh—um, I should… ah—condom...”

Rey jolts out of her head and curses herself. She’s not on the pill anymore, as she wanted to give her body a break from the years she was on it. And it’s been so long since she was with someone that it didn’t seem like such a big deal at the time when she decided to stop. 

Thank goodness Ben is responsible enough to remember, otherwise they could have ended up with a very unexpected outcome. And a baby is surely the last thing they’d want right now. 

“Yes, that’s probably best. I know I can’t—” _catch anything from you if you’re a completely untouched virgin_ , she thinks before deciding not to embarrass him further, “but I’m not—” 

Ben interrupts her with a kiss. “No need to explain. I've got one.” 

He leans over to the floor and grabs a condom from his wallet, turning and smoothly putting it on. He’s not disgracing himself in that department at least, she notes. He must have practised. 

He leans down and kisses her again, before resuming his place between her thighs. 

“Tell me—if it’s okay. And what feels good,” he breathes against her mouth.

He angles his cock, then slowly slides inside. There's a stretch, a slight burn as he pushes, pushes, pushes, and then one long glide and he’s in, his hips resting on her pelvis. 

He makes a noise deep in his throat and rests his head against her neck. 

“Is this—?”

“So good,” Rey nods, gripping his sides with her hands, pulling him as deep as he can go. And it _is_ good. It’s been a long time and this is just perfect. 

“Fuck, you feel—amazing, Rey.”

He angles his hips and rests for a moment, no doubt enjoying the initial feel, before beginning a slow movement in and out, as though testing different strokes. 

She loses herself in the feeling of him all around her and inside her. 

After a while though, it’s not enough. She needs more. She wraps her legs around him and tries to change the pace. 

“Ben, can you—go a bit faster now?” 

In answer, he speeds up slightly, rocking her back and forth. And it’s great. But it’s still quite gentle. 

Rey doesn’t want to embarrass him, and she could continue like this for a good while, but... maybe she needs to take charge here otherwise she’s not going to get anywhere. And judging by what she feels building, which she can hardly believe, a second orgasm could be on the cards. 

“A bit harder now,” she murmurs. 

He moves into her deeper and squeezes her tightly, angling his hips with a firm push. 

“You—can go even harder than that.” 

“Are you sure?” He looks down, frowning. 

“Yes,” she moans. 

He thrusts again. And it is somewhat harder. But only in the sense of him turning up the dial from a 3 to a 5 on a scale of up to 100. 

Rey turns her head and focuses on his face. He’s frowning, mouth tightening and jaw moving. His eyes look like a thousand thoughts are passing through them. And where he was once completely present in the moment, he is now stuck in his head.

She can’t watch this; this beautiful man, this sweet man, berate and judge himself. 

“Ben, stop for a sec.”

He immediately halts his movement and looks down at her anxiously.

“Rey—are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He asks, making to move off her. Rey grabs his shoulders and wraps her legs tighter around him. 

“No, I’m fine. But...are _you_ okay? What’s going on in your head? Do you not want to—I don’t want to pressure you...” She tries to project a look of calm acceptance and reassurance, as she mentally prepares herself for his answer. 

Ben looks up quickly, seeming concerned. 

“No—I do, you’re not—I’m okay,” he says, “It’s just that I can’t stop thinking—I don’t want to hurt you and if I went harder, I just keep imagining, like my... cock—just banging up there—hurting and jostling—I mean, I know people do this, but it’s just taking a bit to get my head around it, at least this first time,” he grimaces. “I’m sorry.”

 _Oh. Well. There you go._ Rey swallows and runs a hand down his shoulder, taking a breath before answering.

“Ben. You’re not hurting me, I promise. But it’s fine, we’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. I am perfectly happy going slow at first,” she says, squeezing his arm. 

“Okay, but it’s just...I know we haven’t discussed it, like explicitly—and I’m sorry if you don’t want to yet... but I just—” he looks down again, avoiding her eyes. 

“What? You can tell me, Ben. Anything. I want you to be open with me,” she urges, holding his face in her hands and smoothing back his hair.

“I can’t… “ 

“Yes?”

Her mind races as she waits. Ben was heading towards the older end of the age range for a virgin. Maybe this was some of his anxiety coming out which had held him back previously. 

A feeling of tender concern expands through her. What if—something traumatic had happened to him, in the past… 

No, best to not assume, she reminds herself. She would support him whatever he disclosed, even if it took a while for him to talk about it. As a person with a difficult background herself, she could understand. 

Ben frowns for a moment, taking a deep breath and running his hand through his hair, before finally blurting out his thoughts. 

“I can’t stop thinking...about the baby. I know it’s probably fine, but I just can’t stop picturing it and not wanting to… go too hard and like...”

Like a jarring record scratch, Rey’s mind suddenly freezes. 

_Huh?_

Ben continues, “I’m being ridiculous I know. I’ve heard stories and I know it’s perfectly okay and I’m sure I’ll get over it, but I just keep picturing—my cock banging up near the baby and jostling it around.” He shakes his head, muttering to himself. “I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud... I know it’s stupid,” he says, apologetically. 

_What._

_The fuck?_

Is Ben actually speaking English? Because Rey suddenly can’t understand a word he’s saying. 

Or maybe she’s having a stroke. Because a feedback loop is playing one sentence over and over in her mind. And it doesn’t make any sense. 

_My cock banging up near the baby_. 

But that can’t be right. 

“Wait a sec—wait. Hold up. Ben. Stop.” Rey lifts herself up on her elbows, blinking. “I thought—did you just… did you say ‘ _baby’_?”

“Yeah…?” 

“ _What_ baby?”

Ben blinks down at her.

Rey blinks up at him. 

“ _Your._.. baby?” he says, frowning.

Rey frowns back. 

“ _My_ baby...” Rey repeats. “Do—do you—?” _Surely not._

But things were suddenly falling together, like lost pieces of a puzzle finally appearing and changing the entire image with a few inches of colour. 

Memories race through Rey’s mind. A bottle of ginger vitamins, Ben’s awkward discussions about her ‘situation’.

It all was starting to add up. 

“Do you—think I’m _pregnant_?” Rey asks in disbelief, shocked at herself for even asking that. 

Ben freezes, his face slowly becoming blank. 

“I… huh?”

“Ben. I’m not pregnant.”

“What?” he replies, confused. He looks like she’s the one not speaking English now. 

“I’m not pregnant!” Rey repeats. 

His face reflects one of shock, before slowly changing, like the unstoppable movement of the tides, to what can only be dawning horror and mortification, his eyes wide and mouth open.

A moment passes that feels like it lasts an hour, before the reaction hits. 

“Oh, _no..._ _Fuck_!” Ben buries his face on her shoulder. “Oh, I am _so_ sorry. _Fuck_!” 

“But—? Where did you get that idea?” Rey splutters.

He groans and hides his face with his hands, swearing loudly again, before looking up and saying, almost pleading, “You were sick and you said—you said it was only in the mornings…”

That fateful train trip. 

“Oh, my god—! Ben! It wasn’t morning sickness,” she exclaims, eyebrows raised, hardly believing what she was saying. “I was going to tell you but then you had to leave—I just feel sick and faint in the mornings sometimes when I have to do some kind of exercise, like running for the train. It’s probably from having low blood sugar or blood pressure or something—,” she explains. “But I’m not pregnant!” 

“But—the things you were saying about your life and like… about your ex. Finn?” Ben looks frustrated. 

“ _Ex_?! What? No—he’s my best friend!” Rey says, blinking. “I grew up in foster care with him. I only said those things because I was so used to hanging out with him all the time and was in a bit of a mood that week. Were you thinking that—did you think that _Finn_ was the father of my baby?” Rey asks, incredulous. 

Ben looks helpless, shrugging and grimacing. 

“Oh. My god,” she gasps, mouth twitching. She can feel something bubbling up. She tries to hold it in—she tries to be serious. 

But the look on his face. 

She can’t hold it any longer—she bursts into laughter, her stomach tensing, shaking Ben who is still leaning on her with her movement. 

A splotchy and red blush spreads all over his face, down his neck and up to the tips of his ears, as he covers his face again, resting on his elbows above her. 

“But you were going on about changes you needed to talk to him about and him moving on with his new girlfriend and not being there for you—”

“Yes, I just meant the change of work and not having him around as much!” 

“But didn’t he say— something about a—Valentine’s dinner?”

“Sometimes we have an ironic dinner when we’re both single together!” 

“And tonight your food cravings and you weren’t drinking…”

“Yep, that’s just me,” Rey says, squeezing his shoulder as he groans again, closing his eyes and pulling himself off her and to the side.

“But Ben—why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“Rey—come on, I’ve seen the memes,” Ben looks over at her again, eyebrow raised. “The only time it’s ever okay to ask a woman if she’s pregnant, is if you’re on the floor, delivering the baby and the head is literally coming out.” 

Rey cannot stop the huge grin as she laughs out loud again, Ben finally rolling his eyes with a reluctant smile and flopping on his back, covering his face with his arms. 

“I thought you were sensitive and didn’t want to talk about it yet. I really wanted to ask but didn’t know when the right time was. I was hoping you would eventually bring it up yourself,” he says, cringing. “And it did seem like you were becoming more comfortable with telling me more. But—you never actually mentioned the word ‘ _baby’_ ,” he sighs. 

“Oh, Ben,” she chuckles, then stops as his slightly unusual actions earlier in the night suddenly make sense. “ _Oh_ —is that why you were like, all over my belly earlier? My _food-_ baby bump?” Rey raises her eyebrows, lips twitching. 

“Oh, fucking shit. This is so embarrassing. I need to go die now,” he moans, flushing even more hotly, although she didn't think that was possible. He moves to turn his back to her and roll away but she laughs and grabs his shoulders to stop him. 

“No, Ben—don’t. Don’t be embarrassed.” Rey pauses and frames his face with her hands, looking into his eyes. His dark and caring eyes, with his feelings already starting to be covered up and battened down again in the wake of his humiliation. 

A growing realisation comes over her, shining a light onto another aspect of Ben Solo. A man she’s only just beginning to get the true measure of. 

She realises—the things he thought, the decisions he made— 

It all must have been huge for him. 

“You thought—” She swallows and stares at him seriously. “You thought I was pregnant—with someone else’s child... and you still wanted to be with me.”

Ben nods, a slight frown moving across his features. “Well, yeah,” he says, quietly. “Like I said. I really... like you. And I feel like we have something, something more that I thought was worth exploring. I meant it—I’ve never felt like this around anyone before.” 

He continues, looking away from her eyes, his hand absently playing with a strand of her hair. 

“And while the thought of you being pregnant with someone else’s baby was at first...somewhat strange and made me irrationally angry—like how could anyone fucking leave you right now and not be there to support you, I also felt, wow—I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he mutters, “but I felt jealous… and I realised that I wanted whatever you could give me.” 

Ben looks up again, scanning her face, her eyes, her mouth. His eyes are liquid and staring intensely. Rey holds her breath. She can’t look away. 

“Even if that meant that we were only together for a week, or a month. Or if things somehow worked out and I didn’t fuck things up and we were together for longer, well, the idea of being with you and... supporting you and your baby...it began to seem—it was... appealing. I never thought much about having kids, but I think. I can see myself having kids. With... you.” 

Rey’s heart, which had been beating steadily faster, feels like it swells to twice the size, hammering a rhythm in her ears and filling her chest, her arms, her face with warmth, with a golden glow, with a sense of light. 

She can’t help the slow twitch of her mouth and the smile that spreads across her face before her brain re-engages and clicks back online.

“Wow. Thanks.” She chuckles nervously, looking down briefly, before quirking an eyebrow, “But you know, I’m not ready for kids right now. And we’ve technically only been on one official date.” 

Ben huffs a laugh and drops his head again, resting his forehead on her neck. “Of course, fuck, I’m sorry.”

His hair is soft in her fingers as she slowly strokes it out of his eyes, tracing a finger over the dark moles on his face, over his soft lips, his defined nose. 

Rey forces herself to add, heart about to jump out of her chest as she does so; “No. Don’t be. Because I know what you mean. Things feel... right. This feels right. And even though we’re jumping into things so fast, sometimes I think you just… know. And I can—I can also see a future with you, too.” Rey swallows, blinking fast, eyes suddenly wet for some reason. “It’s hard for me to say, but it’s true.” She breathes out shakily, strangely proud of herself for putting herself out there, for once in her life. 

But his smile. 

Oh, Ben’s smile. He's beaming. And it makes the feeling of slicing open her skin and handing him the softest, deepest part of herself, worth it. It is _so_ worth it. 

“Good,” Ben murmurs, before lifting his head and pressing his lips against hers. 

“So, no baby,” he says quietly.

“No baby,” she smiles, breathing deeply and feeling herself back on steady ground. 

Ben sighs. “That’s actually—I am kind of relieved,” he chuckles. “I’m glad I don’t have to share you with someone else, just yet,” he whispers before kissing her lips again with another gentle peck.

“No, you don’t. I’m just yours,” Rey murmurs back, cradling his face in her hands. 

Minutes, hours, days seem to pass as she loses herself in him, loving the feel of his body over hers, his strong arms tightening around her, his cock sliding deeply inside her again, before a thought flashes through her mind and she breaks her lips away from his with a jerk.

“So wait—wait.” She pulls her mouth back from his. “Does that mean—you’re not a virgin?”

Ben pauses his exploration of her neck and ear, eyelashes fluttering against her skin, as he blinks rapidly and her words reach him. 

“Huh?” 

“I thought you were saying this was new to you and you— _oh_ ,” she pauses. “That was all about the baby, right?” 

He raises himself on his arms again, frowning. “Wait—you thought I was a _virgin_?”

“Well, you were acting so strangely and were a bit awkward. You kept saying how you’d never been in this situation before and the first time—” 

Ben bursts into laughter, reluctant enjoyment written all over his face, before she joins him, laughing at herself this time. 

“Oh, man. We really mucked this up,” he says, shaking his head.

“No,” Rey looks up and corrects him seriously, “We’ve worked it out.”

He pauses, smiling, before nodding and pressing another kiss against her lips. “Well. Now we’ve cleared that all up, I’d really like to fuck you. _Actually_ hard, this time. Would that be okay?” he whispers, slowly moving his hips and withdrawing himself from inside her until just the tip of him was all that remained.

Rey nods, whispering back. “Yes. That's definitely okay.” 

  
  


\----------------

  
  
  


“God-dammit.”

“What?” Rey murmurs back sleepily, comfortable in her position of resting her head against his chest.

“I have to tell my parents that you’re not pregnant. They’re going to laugh so hard.”

“You told your parents about me?” Rey says as Ben tightens his arm around her waist. 

“Well... I didn’t know what to do and who to talk to about this and—my mom caught me at the wrong time. Leia just gets it out of you; it’s impossible to keep a secret from her,” he says, huffing and shaking his head. 

She imagines him talking to someone who would be his mother; a regal-looking older lady, patting his hand with kind eyes. 

“Oh. What did she say?” she asks, cautiously.

Would she have hated the idea of Ben getting together with some strange, pregnant young woman, stealing away Ben’s bright future?

“She was all for it; encouraged me to not waste any time or worry about the future—that _it will all take care of itself_ ,” he says, rubbing her back gently. “But she’ll adore you. And I know Dad will be overjoyed that it’s you—I’m sure they both will. Plus they’ll love _forever_ reminding me about this.”

A wave of relief floats through Rey’s shoulders, matching the softly tired and sated feeling in the rest of her body. 

Flashes of family dinners, picnics, Christmas, fly through her mind before she can mentally berate herself for planning too far ahead. 

She can’t help thinking and feeling a scary and creeping excitement about meeting Ben’s parents formally. They sound like parents on television, or in a movie. 

Rey tries and fails to imagine her own parents and what they would say, if they were still around, before closing that door of her mind again and pushing it aside. 

Ben sighs. “Just don’t tell them about the virgin thing, please.” 

“Oh, God no! We’ll never speak of it again,” Rey agrees. 

“Done.”

They had plenty more things to talk about. And look forward to. Together.

Rey closes her eyes and pictures them, as her head rises up and down gently with Ben’s breaths, his strong arms holding her tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *EDITED TO ADD -the next chapter is an Epilogue! :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading my first little fanfic! Thank you also for all those who left kudos or comments! :D I hope you enjoyed the story and it brought a smile to your face --especially post-TROS when we all need a bit more tooth-rotting fluff and fun HEAs! <3
> 
> I think I'm going to get addicted to this writing thing, so watch out for future stories from me!


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... hi. It’s been a year, and I finally wrote a little epilogue! Better late than never? ;)
> 
> I’m actually pretty happy with how I finished the story in the last chapter, therefore this is an *optional* epilogue (only if you’re interested) of what potentially may happen next, which is purely self-indulgent and just me playing with the tropes and characters one last time. It's a bit more like a mini-sequel really. 
> 
> Thanks to those readers who left lovely comments and encouraged me to write this, especially to those who gave some suggestions. I have used quite a few of them, so I hope it lives up to your expectations! 
> 
> Anyway, I have written three small scenes at different points in the future, with varying fluffy moments. I hope you enjoy! <3

Ben has every intention of telling his parents about Rey. More specifically, that she wasn’t pregnant—was _never_ pregnant. He really does. 

He’s debated on and off about how he’d do it; he’d tell them at dinner—no, he’d call them. No— he’d message them. He didn’t want to see their faces when he told them. Or hear them; hear their _reactions_. 

Thankfully he’d managed to sidestep any moments when he was alone with his mother at work; skipping out quickly every time she finished up a briefing with the team, making sure to time his lunches to when she was out, and when she was in, going down to hide in the deli across the street for his break. 

An important part of this also involved failing to reply to any particularly probing questions about ‘the girl’, or when he felt he’d avoided her questions enough, keeping it simple by stating that things were _all good, fine,_ and _gotta go later Mom_. 

But things were more than just _good_ or _fine_. Being with Rey was glorious and perfect and just… right. Ben was still protective of that and in some awe. He wanted to keep this unexpected happiness to himself for just a bit longer. 

The only thing was that every so often, Rey would ask Ben about his parents and a not insignificant amount of guilt would creep over him. Whenever Rey suggested that _he really should tell them_ , he’d agree—he would tell them soon. Then he’d change the subject. Or tackle her on the couch, whichever tactic worked best. Often both. 

In the end, if he was honest with himself, the fact of the matter was...he was just too chicken. A bit of a coward. 

As the days go by, he puts it off, telling himself he’d do it later. At some point in the future. Just not _now_. 

And things were going wonderfully. Ben had been able to satisfactorily avoid that conversation quite easily so far. There was always another day and always another later.

Until one day, he ran out of laters. 

  
  
  
  
  


Despite the bright sun shining, it is a cool Saturday morning as Rey and Ben stroll through their local markets, rugged up with scarves and coats, hands warm in each others’ grasp. 

It’s become a bit of a regular thing for them over the last few weeks. First they usually walk from one end to the other, eyeing off the various crafts, fresh fruit and produce, before Ben buys them both a coffee and almond croissant and they head back down to the most promising stalls, trying out the sample chutneys and cheese and adding any irresistible snacks to the increasingly bulky bag slung over Rey’s and then Ben’s shoulder. 

It’s as they’re stopped at a stall with thick wooden platters and chopping boards, that Ben spots them. There’s no mistaking that braided silver hair and the taller man beside her in the leather jacket. His mother is pointing at something on the opposite side of the stall from them, his father looking bored but trailing along as usual. 

“Oh shit,” Ben mutters, ducking out of sight. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Rey turns around, confused. She puts down the heavy round platter with a thump. 

“My parents. They’re here.” 

“Oh? Where?” Rey asks, looking around. 

“Shh, not so loud! Right there.” Ben indicates with a jerk of his head. “Hopefully they’ll move past soon.”

“But—why are you hiding?” Rey frowns. “I thought—didn’t you—don’t you…” 

Her face falls and she blinks rapidly. “Do you not want them to see me with you?” she asks quietly, staring down at the table. 

At this, Ben’s mouth opens, heart breaking for her and he—he is such an idiot. “No, no, of course—”

Rey turns her head away from him, biting her lip.

“I mean, I _do_ want you to meet them, officially. Of course I do!” Ben grabs her hands and squeezes them tightly. “Sweetheart, please, it’s not about you. You’re—everything, amazing, perfect, it’s just—” 

She looks back, raising her eyebrows. 

“I haven’t exactly… told them about—” He glances up and over to his parents on the other side of the stall, three tables arranged in a U formation separating them. 

Of course, that is also the moment that his mother looks up, busy chatting to the stall-holder, and across the displays of wood and native flowers artfully arranged beside them, their eyes meet. 

Ben grimaces and bends his head behind Rey. But it’s too late. 

Leia pauses mid-sentence and smiles widely. 

“Ben!” 

_Great. Just great._ This is not what he had planned. _At all._

Rey’s head turns upon hearing his name. Then it’s like watching a cat spot a mouse in slow motion. As Leia’s eyes drift to the woman next to him, she brightens tenfold with delight, a speculative look on her face. 

Leia turns and says something Han, then moves to hurry around the tables. 

“Rey, I’m sorry—I’ve been meaning to tell them—” Ben whispers urgently to her, stopping abruptly as his mother finally makes it around the tables to stand in front of them, his father close behind.

Ben doesn’t have time to say anything more. He can only hope they won’t be too embarrassing and this will be relatively painless. And that his mother avoids _that_ topic. Once they get through this, he will definitely tell them later. Via text message. 

“Ben, it’s so wonderful to see you!” Leia really does look overjoyed to see them, although it’s likely not him she’s excited about, given she just saw him yesterday. 

“Mom, Dad.” Ben nods his head at them both. Han nods back, tilting his head sideways as he looks at Rey, raising his eyebrows. 

“And is this…?” His mother is expectant as she looks at the woman beside him, Ben’s arm finding its way around Rey, hugging her to him and gaining a dose of strength and resolve from her presence. 

“Mom, this is Rey. Rey—my mother, Leia. Dad, I think you already know her; she’s a frequent visitor at the shop, I believe.”

“Son, I’m not likely to forget my favourite customer. Rey! What are you doing hanging out with my kid?” Han asks, laughing, with a puzzled look. 

Leia leans over to him with an air of someone imparting vital information. “Han, she must be Ben's girlfriend! You remember I told you about her…”

“Hi, Han. And it’s nice to meet you, Leia.” Rey says, smiling shyly. Ben squeezes her waist. 

“I can’t tell you how lovely it is to meet you as well, Rey! I’ve only heard bits and pieces about you from Ben—I get the picture that he’s wanted to keep you to himself lately.” Leia turns her head to smile at her son, head tilted. “He’s always so eager to get in and do his work and then get home. But I can tell that he’s happy. He’s never been an overly approachable person at the office, but he’s been positively perky with the team these last few weeks. ” 

Ben sighs. It seems his wish for an embarrassment-free meeting was not to be fulfilled. 

“Oh, really?” 

“Mom—”

“It’s true. It’s like he whistles as he works!” Leia laughs. “Although I can never quite catch him for a chat, lately.” 

Ben cringes, darting a glance down at Rey. She’s smiling softly, her hand stroking the back of his hand on her hip. 

“Have you been here long?” Leia asks Rey, completely ignoring Ben now. 

“Not really, we only arrived a short while ago.” 

“We’ve been here since seven. There’s some delightful stalls here today, isn’t there, Han.” Leia doesn’t look at him, but her husband shrugs. “The usual crafty things and food, of course. But I did see some lovely hand knitted blankets and children’s clothes further down. Plus the most adorable booties! And other nice things, of course. You must have a look!”

Ben feels his smile freeze on his face. _Ah_. And there goes his second hope. It seems like his mother couldn’t help herself. 

Rey blinks and feigns enthusiasm. “Really? Great.”

“Also, have you seen the beautiful tiny paintings on paper of classic fairy tales yet? Just lovely. Not that I’d have anywhere to put them myself. But they’re perfect for children’s rooms, you know,” his mother gushes, eyes darting down over Rey’s form quickly in what she obviously hoped was a surreptitious manner.

 _Abort. Abort._ Ben feels his stomach churn in the awkwardness. He needs to change the topic. Unfortunately at this moment his mind is suddenly blank.

“Oh? Huh. Nice.” Rey seems not quite sure what to say to that either.

Ben coughs loudly. When his mother finally looks at him, he glares at her, shaking his head slightly. She frowns at him. 

“Are you alright, Ben?” Leia either completely misses it or delights in wilfully misunderstanding him. 

Ben huffs, rolling his eyes. “Fine.” 

His girlfriend however, turns to look up at him, a slight smirk on her mouth. 

“That reminds me,” Rey says, smoothing her hand down his arm. “I think there’s something you were meaning to tell your parents, Ben, isn’t there? Something that’s long overdue?

He can’t miss the message her eyes are sending him, loud and clear, which immediately causes a tightness in his chest like indigestion. 

There is not much else he wouldn’t prefer to be doing right now. Going to the dentist—no problem. Cleaning the clogged hair from the shower drain—easy. But telling his parents about his mistake—nope. He just doesn’t want to go there. 

The only thing keeping him from avoiding this conversation entirely and changing the topic is the woman beside him, currently looking up at him with wry amusement and affection, eyes sparkling, dimple showing. 

_Well, fuck._ Ben thinks, grumbling internally. The time for procrastination is finally over. He must accept his fate—which is to be roasted like a chestnut. Already feeling his ears and face flushing at the thought of the inevitable ribbing, he nods jerkily. 

“There is.” 

“And? What is it?” his father says, impatiently. His mother’s eyes are suddenly very big as she reaches out to clutch at Han’s sleeve. 

Ben glances at her, disconcerted—he can’t imagine what she is thinking, but surely it won’t be this. 

“Okay, the thing is,” he begins, reluctantly. “Actually, can I firstly just say that I’m your only child and son and if you want me to come over for Christmas, please just… don’t. Don’t say anything. Just—try to hold it in. All your… reactions.” 

“What? Why? Just spit it out, boy, for goodness’ sake. All this unnecessary talking. Just like a lawyer,” Han sighs.

“Han—shush. Let him speak. Yes, we’re listening, honey,” Leia says, firmly and nodding. 

Ben looks down again at his girlfriend. She raises her eyebrows at his continued hesitation, a half smile on her lips. She’s not going to help him with this—it’s all on him. 

“Well, it’s just… remember how I told you that Rey… that Rey was... ” 

Ben swallows and gives up on that sentence floating in the air, not able to bring himself to speak the word. Surely they will remember and pick up on what he is tiptoeing around. 

“Well, anyway—as it turns out… she’s not,” he says, finally. _Please let that be it_ , he prays fervently. 

His parents, however, seem to have not heard his prayer. They both look extremely perplexed. 

“What on _earth_ are you talking about?”

Of course. It couldn’t be that simple. Ben closes his eyes in chagrin, a groan and curse escaping his mouth. 

“She’s not—She’s not pregnant,” he finally forces out through gritted teeth. 

“Oh,” Leia says, sounding surprised, face carefully blank. Her eyes flick over to Rey, before bouncing back to Ben. She looks like she wants to ask a million questions, but is holding herself back for once, thankfully. Han shifts uneasily and frowns. 

“I just… was mistaken,” Ben mumbles. 

“I’m sorry—what was that? I can’t understand you when you mumble. Please speak clearly, Ben,” his mother instructs him. 

_Yep._ This is exactly as painful as he imagined. _Fucking hell._

“I _said_ —I was mistaken.” 

Han blinks, hands on his hips, a smirk beginning to slowly bloom on his face and a glint in his eye. “You were _mistaken_? As in…?” 

Rey finally takes pity on him, or maybe she’s just enjoying his embarrassment and wants to deliver the zinger, as she answers for him quite cheerfully. 

“As in, I wasn’t pregnant. At all. Never was.” 

A moment passes, before it sinks in. And the reactions arrive. 

Han claps his hands together and lets loose a hoot of laughter, as Leia gasps dramatically, covering her mouth with her hands.

“Oh, _Benjamin_! And obviously… you know about this, Rey? How did this happen? Please tell me he didn’t say anything inappropriate—but even the _question_ is inappropriate. Oh, _no_! Ben, I thought you were sure!” 

Ben sighs and rubs a hand behind his neck, as Rey eyes’ eyes dance with mischief and she bites her lip.

“Look, nevermind how this happened or how I—how I found out about it,” Ben says. “I was trying to be considerate and not ask. Anyway, Rey’s forgiven me. Can we please just move on from this and forget it ever happened?”

Han is guffawing loudly by this point. 

Other people near them in the stall look over, curious. Ben scowls at them, but it seems his once powerful glare has lost its sting. They barely flinch, eyes still fixed on the unexpected entertainment. 

“Oh no, sirree, we are _not_ going to forget this. You never let me forget about the thing with the snake—now, let’s see how you like it, my boy!” Han crows with fiendish glee. 

His father was enjoying this too much. He was always insufferable. 

“What was that about the snake?” Rey whispers to Ben, pulling him aside. 

“He hates snakes—once I scared him so much with a fake snake that he wet himself,” Ben replies, making no attempt to lower his voice. If his dad was going to rib him mercilessly, then it was only natural to continue to give it back in equal measure. 

Rey coughs a laugh at Han’s sudden glower.

“Hey, I _didn’t_ wet myself—the seat was damp from the rain!” he grumbles. “But we’re not talking about that—we’re talking about _you_. And that was _nothing_ compared to what _you_ did!“ He shakes a finger at Ben, smirking again. 

“Oh, Rey, I feel I should apologise for my son; he really can be quite hopeless at times,” Leia says, shaking her head in dismay. 

“It’s fine. He was actually very sweet about it,” Rey says, with a chuckle, ignoring Ben’s groan. “And I realised that it’s very easy to form misconceptions about people. He wasn’t alone.” 

Ben catches the sly look she shares with him. 

“Rey, you gotta tell me—what was his face like when he found out?”

“Dad!”

“It was a picture. He was horrified. Like he’d just realised he’d accidentally sent an email complaining about his boss directly to his boss.”

“Rey!”

And now there’s no stopping their laughter. Even his mother, who had been frozen in consternation, puts down her hands and giggles. 

“Okay, okay. Fine. Laugh it up,” Ben says, rolling his eyes as this continues. And continues.

Until finally he lets go and a single chuckle escapes. 

Eventually, once his father is wiping his eyes and sighing to himself, Rey turns and wrapping her arms around Ben, says quietly into his chest, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at you.”

Her eyes are sincere as she stares up at him. They send a ray of warmth through his heart, soothing him like nothing else ever could. 

“Don’t worry about it—I knew this was coming. And it _was_ pretty funny. I’m okay.” 

And he finds that it’s true. 

He is okay with being the laughing stock of the family, if it makes Rey laugh like that. 

He loves her laugh. He loves her smile. 

He loves her.   
  
  
  


————--

  
  


The wedding is simple and sweet. 

The bride’s smile is big and bright and the groom’s is as well. There are readings and music and vows, of course. 

But Ben barely hears it all, so focused is he on the woman standing up at the front of the church, beside her friends, dressed in a flowing blue dress. 

He wishes she was sitting next to him so he could hold her hand. But there was no way Rey wasn’t going to leap at the chance to be the ‘friend of honour’ to Finn, carefully holding out the rings and watching on fondly as he and Rose exchanged them. 

At the reception, Rey gives a thoughtful and heartfelt toast to the newlyweds; a speech she had agonised over for weeks, but in the end is perfect. Just like her. Ben feels his heart swell with love for her. 

They talk and eat, and talk and eat. Later in the night, when they’re both feeling full and satisfied, they move out onto the floor with their friends, Ben gathering Rey close, resting his face next to hers as they sway slowly together, arms wrapped around each other. Feeling her soft body firmly against him when he desperately wants to drag her away to somewhere private is the most exquisite torture. 

When the music changes and the rest of the crowd joins them, Rey jumps and spins and dances with such joyful abandon, while Ben tries his best to at least not disgrace himself and stick to the beat. 

Laughing and breathless, Rey at last pulls him away to sit and chat with the tipsy groom.

“You’re a lucky guy, Finn. She looks so happy. And so beautiful.” Rey says, as she watches Rose do the Time Warp with her sister on the dance floor. 

“She does.” Finn nods, smiling proudly. “Did she tell you about the freak-out she had this morning when she was getting ready?”

Rey shakes her head, curiosity lighting her features. She’d been caught up in supporting Finn with his own nerves, as she had spent the morning helping him get ready before the ceremony. Ben had been doubtful on how much he’d need help, but didn’t begrudge her that special time with her oldest friend. 

“Out of all the things, she had trouble getting her dress on! I s’pose the dressmaker got the measurements wrong—who knows,” Finn says, with the air of a man who’d happily never attempt to understand the workings of fashion. “Rose says she thought she’d tried it on again after it was adjusted, but maybe she forgot. Anyway, it was almost too tight—Paige had to struggle for ten minutes to do up the back.” 

Rey raises her eyebrows, glancing over at Rose. “Well, she obviously got it on, and it looks like it fits perfectly from here.” 

“Sure does. She looks gorgeous. And in that dress, it’s almost like her boobs have doubled in size.” Finn gestures expressively with his hands. “Although they do look bigger in whatever she wears lately.” 

“Finn!” Rey says, laughing. Ben coughs and covers his smile with his hand. Finn was even more refreshingly honest when he was drunk. 

“Can’t help noticing,” Finn continues, shrugging and eyes half-lidded. “I hope she’s okay, though.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine once she can take that dress off and finally breathe!” 

The music changes to another familiar tune—to some ABBA song? Screams erupt from the dance floor, Rose smiling widely with her arms around her friends. 

“Oh, yeah. But I wasn’t meaning that,” Finn replies. “It’s just she’s been feeling a bit sick. Last week she vomited a couple times after getting up and wasn’t able to eat much breakfast. She felt better later, but still has been really tired.”

Ben, who had been only half-listening to their conversation, turns and glances back at Finn. 

Rey frowns and leans forward. “That’s no good. Maybe it was just stress and nerves about the wedding?” 

“Maybe. But it feels like it’s more than that. Like, her nose is _super_ sensitive lately too, like she can smell if I open the cheese in the kitchen, when she’s in the _bedroom_! She yells at me that it _stinks_ —but it doesn’t! And she used to love cheese,” Finn says, throwing his hands up in confusion, narrowly avoiding knocking over his glass. Ben steadies it on the table for him. 

“She’s also really into _melon_ at the moment, which is strange. Any kind of melon. I’ve had to go out and buy some every few days she’s eating so much.” He shakes his head, perplexed at his new wife’s unusual tastes. “Anyway, it sounds like she was better today though. Maybe she’s had what you had, Rey.”

Ben stills, memories flashing through his mind. Rey flicks her eyes over to him quickly before looking back to her friend. A world of expression was communicated in that one second before she carefully controls herself again. 

“Oh? Um, what do you mean?”

“You know. That blood sugar or pressure thing. Maybe she’s not eating enough. Or too much melon? Or not enough? Maybe that’s why she wants all the melon—there’s something missing in her diet,” Finn ponders, looking back over at his wife, who’s now laughing at a particularly enthusiastic dance move by her sister. 

“Maybe,” Rey agrees. Ben maintains his focus on the crowd on the dance floor. He’s not going to risk eye contact with Rey. 

“I better check how she’s feeling. She just picked at dinner all night. Maybe I should get her some melon…” Finn mutters and then pushing his chair back with a squeak, wanders off winding through the chairs and tables towards the dance floor. 

They continue watching him for a few more moments, until Rey turns to Ben, a funny look on her face. 

“Well, that was interesting,” she says, slowly.

“Mmm.” 

“Do… do you think that Rose...?” 

Ben immediately holds his hands up and shakes his head, as though backing away. “Don’t look at me—I’m not going there! No more speculating on that topic for me.”

Rey smirks, leaning her head on his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his waist. “Understood. Well, me neither, then.” 

She turns her head back towards the newlyweds. Finn’s now trying to coax Rose to eat a piece of cake as she turns her head away giggling. 

“But if it _is_ what I’m thinking it is… then. Holy shit. Life changes so fast.”

Ben stares down at his girlfriend, who has made herself at home in his life, so suddenly and completely, as though she was always there. 

“It does. It sure does.”   
  
  
  
  


————--

  
  


It’s their anniversary and Rey’s been strange all day. 

At times bubbly and talkative, like there’s a surge of energy firing through her, then flipping to distracted and quiet. Ben has been darting looks at her with every few steps in between watching where they were going on the tree-lined track of the trail. 

She’s been quite preoccupied with her phone. She’s looked down at it no less than six times in the last twenty minutes. One of those times Ben had also been looking at his phone—he’d gotten a message from Rose that he’d been waiting for, so he doesn’t count that time. But still, it’s a significant amount of phone-checking. 

Ben’s had to steer her away from walking into a scraggly bush a few times, given her head was bent over her phone. He’d seen her sending a text at least twice too, although she says it’s nothing. 

Rey looks up at him with a warm smile, tugging his hand impatiently as they wind through the towering trees. He wanted to go a little slower, enjoy the walk more, but whenever he stopped to look around them and admire the view of the gully and the greens, browns and yellows of the leaves above and below them, Rey had glanced at her watch, muttered something and hurried him along. 

Eventually and in what must be one of their quickest times, they make it to the viewing platform at the falls. Ben breathes in the fresh, crisp air and follows Rey to take their usual place leaning on the fence at the edge. The water from the mountain stream gathers in a little pool below them, before slipping and bumping over the rocks and then rushing down the waterfall, disappearing into the vast forest landscape. 

This is one of their favourite places to visit. A short walk away from the platform and around a copse of bushes, is a wide and shady tree, perfect for lazing under with a picnic. They’ve had quite a few there—golden afternoons of Rey cuddled up to him, talking and laughing and kissing under that tree and a deep blue sky. It was here that they’d first said they loved each other a few months ago now. 

Today they are both wiping their foreheads and pulling at the necks and sleeves of their clothes as they stand in the sun. It's not a particularly humid day and it's not a hard walk, but Ben is nevertheless feeling hot and his heart is pounding, although that may be due more to the question that's in his mind and on his lips—something that has been weighing on his thoughts with every step he took along the track. 

He has debated about the phrasing, the wording, the timing, for weeks. Even now as they take in the fine spray of water coming off the rocks, a tiny rainbow of colours visible from the light shining through the mist, Rey next to him and also lost in thought, he is unsure of exactly what he’ll say. But he knows that he wants to keep it simple and heartfelt. Rey isn’t one for embarrassingly grand public gestures. _He’s_ not one for that, to tell the truth. 

And now the time has arrived, his nerves are also making themselves known, stomach churning like a herd of elephants were trampling his internal organs. It’s not that he’s overly worried that she’ll refuse him—they’ve discussed their shared future in both general and specific ways from the beginning—the _very_ beginning—with that memorably disastrous yet amazing first date. 

It’s just that this is a Moment. One that they’ll remember and share with family and friends and hopefully cherish for the rest of their lives. That’s quite a bit of pressure to make this go smoothly—to make it perfect. 

Ben pats the square lump burning a hole in his pocket for the hundredth time for reassurance. It’s still there, thank God. Heaven forbid it falls out and is lost amongst the ferns and rocks until some lucky hiker stumbles upon it two years later. His mother would skin him alive. It’d been one of his grandmother’s antique pieces—priceless in the family. He hopes Rey will like it. 

He glances towards the bushes next to the bench where his cool-box was carefully hidden, only a fraction of the top of the white lid visible. Rose was true to her word; it wouldn’t be easily noticed by anyone who didn’t know it was there. He’d have to thank her later somehow for her careful work in hiding it. 

It’s peaceful as their eyes track the path of fallen leaves floating over the water like little boats, bouncing over the rocks before flying over the falls, the sound loud in their ears. Ben moves to stand behind Rey, leaning against the railing with his arms surrounding her, resting his head beside hers. His thoughts are racing, so he takes the moment to breathe deeply and center himself, focusing on the feel of the woman in front of him, the scent of her hair against his cheek, her soft breasts pressing against the sides of his arms. 

There’s no-one else at the viewing platform thankfully and hopefully it’ll stay that way—at least for a few more minutes.

“I don’t think I’ve seen it so full before,” Rey remarks, looking down at the water. 

Ben’s throat feels thick. He has to clear it slightly before he can answer, trying to speak as casually as he normally would, a feat which feels impossible at the moment. 

“All that rain, I guess.” 

He can feel his heart beating harder in his chest and against her back as he takes in the scene. _This is it. The Moment._ He’ll remember this forever. 

Gathering his courage, he leans down and softly kisses Rey’s shoulder gently, for luck. Then he steps to the side of her and moves to take her hand. 

However just as his hand reaches for hers, Rey lifts her wrist up to check her watch, before she turns and bends to pick up her bag.

“Alright. Let's go,” she says. 

Ben blinks, surprised and a little dismayed. 

“What—already?” He doesn’t want to leave yet. This is the perfect spot. The right moment. 

“Yeah. Come on.”

“Wait—hold on, Rey—let's stay a little longer,” Ben finds himself saying, a little desperately. 

Rey frowns and squints back up at him. 

“Oh, but it’s just—it’s a bit hot here. I don’t want to burn in the sun. Let’s go under the shade.” Rey grabs his hand and pulls on it impatiently, extending his arm out to its full reach. Ben resists slightly and tries again. 

“Please, just a minute longer, I want to…”

He pauses, flustered and a little perturbed as his plans threaten to disappear like the leaves carried off over the cliff below them. 

Maybe he should wait. Do it another time. 

But this _is_ the spot with the best view—and his little bag is right there and he’s been thinking of this for weeks, even months, and maybe there won’t be another good time today—more people might turn up—and he swore to himself he’d do it here and now— 

Rey bites her lip and seems more restless as she fiddles with her hands. “I'm sorry, Ben, but can we come back later? I just don't want anyone to get to our tree before we do. There’s something I want to show you—” 

He doesn't think, he just bends one knee, lowering himself to the ground with a thump and then pulls the purple velvet box from his pocket. He opens it with a click, the gold band and sapphire stone shining and sparkling brightly in the sunlight. 

Ben swallows and looks up at Rey. Her eyes are wide as she stands frozen, hands raised to cover her mouth. 

“ _Ben!_ Are you… _proposing_?”

She is shocked.

“Oh. My God. I can’t believe this.” 

Heart thumping out of his chest, Ben begins. “Rey—” 

Then she does something unexpected. Her lips quirk and a noise escapes from her mouth. A breathy, gasping sound.

At first he thinks she is crying, but then the noise becomes louder and he realises—no, she’s not crying.

She’s laughing. She’s laughing a lot. 

His heart feels like it’s crawled up and gotten stuck in his throat. Did he misjudge this? So badly? Is this attempt, the timing, the location—so pitiful—so ludicrous? 

“—Oh Ben, I’m so sorry,” she finally says, and his heart stops for one second and he’s going to throw up, he’s going to _die_ , “but—do you mind just holding that thought? And come with me—please. I’m sorry. Just one minute. Please, love.“ 

And he would have really died, heart failing, breath stopping, except she’s smiling as she says this, smiling a big grin, adorable dimples on display, as she pulls him back up and onto his feet. 

He follows her, as he always does and always will. 

He’s pretty sure that wasn’t a rejection, although he hadn’t even gotten his question out _._ And now he’s standing, she’s laughing a little again and leaning up on her toes to kiss him fiercely, smiling against his lips. Alongside the nerves, he feels a tentatively growing elation building in him in equal measure. 

As she turns and grabs his hand, pulling him to leave the platform, he leans down to snatch the cooler bag from where it’s hidden in the nearby shrub. 

With quick steps, Rey leads him down the track again and along the branching path out towards their usual spot in the shade. 

He'd considered that location for today, but due its distance from the platform and the low hanging branches of trees, the view of the falls is minimal. It provides only a glimpse. Not as picturesque, Ben had decided. 

As they round the corner, Rey pauses and glances up at him, amused and excited somehow. She’s almost bouncing on her feet in anticipation. 

“What is it?” 

“Look,” she says, pointing.

Their favourite tree is large and wide, its branches thick with a mass of light green leaves shading the soft grasses below. At its base, a familiar striped picnic blanket is unfurled, equally familiar plump cushions resting against the trunk of the tree. A soft blue throw rug has been folded neatly at the side.

But above it all, and most importantly, amongst two dozen tiny light bulbs glowing like fairies in the shade of the leaves, a long paper banner hangs elegantly from the branches.

Ben's mouth drops open when he sees it and he freezes, stunned. 

Because on the banner, in beautiful swirling blue lettering is written; ‘ _Ben, Will You Marry Me?’_

He stares at Rey. 

Her eyes are shining, as she giggles at the look on his face. 

And with a feeling of wonder, love, and lightness overflowing in him, Ben joins her, a delighted laugh escaping him.

They really did belong together. Even their proposals lined up perfectly. 

“You—you did all this?”

“Yes,” she says, grinning. “Well, technically Finn helped. He’s picnicking with Rose further down the track.” 

Ben huffs a laugh. Of course. That would explain Rose’s suspicious squeak and cough when he told her of his plans. 

“Rose helped me with something as well.” 

He bends down to pick up the cooler bag he’d dropped unnoticed at their feet, unzipping the top to reveal a bottle of sparkling apple juice, glasses, a selection of fresh fruit and her favourite pastries, to go with the deli sandwiches and trail mix he packed with Rey’s approval in his backpack on his shoulder. Nestled beside the fruit was a bunch of simple but delicate white daisies resting in a little jar. 

“I got Rose to hide this in the bushes near the falls. I didn’t want to carry this all the way on our walk—I know you would have been too curious about the food and I wanted to have another surprise for you.”

Rey peeks in the bag and smiles widely up at him. “This must be why Finn talked me out of bringing more food myself.” 

Ben gathers her in his arms and smooths a strand of hair behind her ear, drinking in her warm brown eyes and freckles, feeling an overflowing happiness settle deep inside.

“So. This is why you’ve seemed a bit preoccupied and all over the place today.”

Rey huffs a laugh, ducking her head. “I thought I was doing such a good job of covering it all up! But yes. It's just... I really wanted to do this. You've always done such romantic things for me—you’ve always been so thoughtful. So I wanted to do this for you.”

He leans his forehead against hers, rubbing his nose along her cheek, before pressing a soft kiss to her mouth. _So beautiful, so perfect._ His thoughts are a blur of love and praise for her. As the minutes pass, their kiss gradually transitions to something fiercer, more passionate, lips saying everything their words have not. They cling to each other as though at any second they’ll be torn apart. Finally, Rey pulls back and panting, they catch their breath. 

“Anyway, I’m sorry. Please, go ahead,” she says, pulling back to nod at him. 

“Hmm?” He’s lost in the feel of her against him, in this wondrous moment, that he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. 

“With your speech! I want to hear it.” 

It takes him a few seconds. _His speech? What speech—oh._

“But we’re in your set-up now,” he says, gesturing up at the sign blowing gently above them in the breeze. 

“Well, yes, but you got in before me, so that means you should have to go first! Plus I did interrupt and stop you very rudely,” she says, grinning cheekily up at him. 

“Hmm. Fine. I guess that is good reasoning.” Ben laughs. 

He takes a few moments to gather his thoughts. And finds that the nerves that were agitating his insides a few minutes ago have entirely gone, leaving only blissful relief and delight. And a certainty that is filling his heart to the brim. He doesn’t need to think long. 

He lowers himself back down on his knee and looks up at her. 

”Rey. When I first met you—those few days on the train, I knew there was something special about you, and the connection we immediately had. It felt like I somehow knew you from another life, another time. And even though I felt I had to make some big decisions quickly,” he says with a wry grin, “I have only felt more confident and sure in them and in you. I said on that night, our first night together, that I could see myself being with you. And see myself doing everything with you. And now that we’ve had more time together, it’s all still true. You are the person I want to spend my life with.” 

There’s a lump in his throat, but he continues, the words flowing easily. 

“You are the strongest, most resilient person I know, with the most beautiful heart. And I can't think of anything better than being married to you. You’re my best friend. And I love you so much.”

At his words, Rey breathes in a shaking sigh, then leans down and gently cradles his head in her hands, mouth finding his with another deep kiss, before she pulls back with a brilliant smile.

“Now it’s your turn,” he reminds her.

“Fine. But you stole all the good lines,” she says, smirking. Her face smooths and she tightens her hands in his, before bending to also kneel on the ground facing him. As she reaches and clasps his hands in hers beneath the branches of the tree above, it feels powerful and significant, like they are completing an ancient ritual long forgotten. 

The woods around them seem to fall in a hush, all the world focused and waiting. 

“Ben. As I said then, that first night, it feels so good, so right, being with you.” Her smaller hands squeeze his again in emphasis. “Nothing has ever been easier. Even when we were both mistaken, you showed me from the beginning that I could feel safe with you. And this time together has only proven that.” 

And Ben is drowning in her gaze, in her eyes, in her words. He never wants to resurface from this. 

“You are the most generous, loyal, quietly kind person I have ever met, and I’m so proud and grateful to be with you. And there is nothing in this world that brings me more joy, than the thought of being your wife and you being my husband. You are already my family. I want to make it official. I love you— _so much_ ,” Rey says, fervently, shaking her head as though in disbelief. 

He must look like a fool. His cheeks will be sore from the giant grin he’s sporting and his eyes are watery. But he doesn’t care, he can’t think of anything else in this moment but the look on Rey’s face as she pauses once more, and then, staring deep into his eyes, asks with a soft smile;

“So. Ben Solo, will you marry me?” 

“Rey Johnson. Will _you_ marry _me_?” 

“If you insist.” 

“I do.” 

“Well… I suppose, if that’s the case. And you’re really determined…”

“I am.”

“Then...Yes. I will.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you all so much for reading and coming on this little journey with me! :) This story has become quite special to me and it makes me so happy to think that it might be spreading some more happiness in other parts of the world in this pretty tough time. 
> 
> Stay safe everyone! <3
> 
> If you'd like to read more from me, I have one other finished story (a cracky and very soft A/B/O) and I've also got some more planned so watch out for that! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts! I treasure each and every comment. <3
> 
> I'm also on twitter @SteadfastStar_G. Come say hi!


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